I did wake up yesterday. I don't know if any of you remember A, the D-bag that tried to get up in my pants last week. It seems that for the past year and a half I've confided in people like him. People that I think I can trust, and in some way I get manipulated into Believing I NEED them. I can't forget them. I woke up yesterday. I realized, I DON'T need him anymore. I told him that too. I said "I'm leaving everyone, no not killing myself, I'm just going to take charge of my life". I am a strong woman. I hope to continue this feeling of Strength and Courage.
I'm also feeling better with my control. I was b/p and abusing laxatives again. But since the beginning of this week I took a look at myself, at the way I've been behaving. It is not how I want to do things. Restriction is one thing, purging, bingeing.. I will not put my body through this. I need to start thinking when I eat, and really listening to my body. I am always sick and its mostly my fault. I am strong though because I've been going to the gym everyday, I've been weight lifting, trying to get to bed at a decent time.
Anyway I gained like 4 pounds the past little while, but this morning I got on the scale this morning, afraid, but pleasantly surprised by my results... and I'm back down to an acceptable weight. I know I'll be back down soon.
Thanks for reading. I hope everyone knows they are worth something( i have to tell myself that everyday whether I believe it or not)