You're not alone

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Can't take back

There is something in my brain that gets switched on. The worst but easiest example of what I am talking about is:

I am eating a cookie. I eat two. I don't want to eat anymore. But I have 3. The idea comes in that maybe I can purge.

And then I want another. I can just purge in 10 min

Soon I have had five. I have already decided I am going to purge. It turns into an over powering, physical and mental NEED.

It is scary that a switch like that lives inside me

That is the disturbing part of an eating disorder that is hard for people to understand.

I could call my husband when these urges happen. But in those moments they are more than urges. The decision has already been made.

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