You're not alone

Friday, October 29, 2010


Just after the honeymoon

So today I walk down the stairs, headed to the salon. Halfway through I lose my footing and feel myself falling head first.

You know when you feel yourself going down, it turns all slow mo, nooooooooooo.

I was in shock and hurting, thought I may have sprained two or three fingers on my left hand. I am a hair dresser, my fingers make my money.

I worked all day, an was proud of the commission an tips! Sometimes I feel like I need to contribute more to the funds, finances. Anyway.

I did fine until I was driving home and noticed my pointer finger hurt. A few episodes of lost and my finger is swelling. Ugh.

I'm supposed to do cornrows for someones Halloween hair. Hopefully I have the dexterity. 3 bloody fingers.

I hope everyone has a good Halloween!! I am not cool enough to be dressing up. It's okay though. I am just looking forward to a break.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I am avoiding my apartment right now. P took a later shift and won't be home for another 10 minutes. I could have gone home 3 hours ago. Instead I returned some shirts, put some cash in the bank, went to my salon and played with a mannequin head. Now I sit in the library just 15 steps away from my house(we live right behind it).

What am I avoiding?

Who knows. I just didn't trust myself to be alone that long. Cutting, bingeing, purging, or feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing perhaps.

Thank for your comments. I was really frustrated that night. He does it because he loves me. And then I get upset because I know its just as hard on him as it is on me. I am looking forward to spending time with him tonight.

My feet, will not, get warm. Why???? I have had to soak them in hot water the past few nights because they will not warm up. This sucks. Ha ha.

Stay Happy everyone. Its almost the weekend!


He has no idea what it's like, what I have to fight within myself.

Please, help me. Anyone. I hate how I feel right now

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Down two pounds

I was scared to step on the scale. But I had to know. I am down 3 pounds since...last week! I am not necessarily trying to lose. Just trying to like my body somewhat again.

I flat-out told my therapist I didn't have confidence in the treatment center. So she is going to call them and go with me before I am being admitted.

I love working out! Stay beautiful :)

Monday, October 25, 2010


I miss the days of fasting. When I felt high and empty. Is it real happiness though?

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

You are hungry

Telling me when I'm hungry does not encourage me to eat.

I love him, but tonight was shitty

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Exercise: 25 min stair. 25 min treadmill fast walking

I can't get away from wanting to be this:

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