You're not alone

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Guys I need some serious advice. How do you all fall asleep? I can't handle the tossing and turning. Sometimes its due to hunger, other times I just can't sleep. :(

School is going to keep me busy
I forget what its like to do homework
but it will be so worth it :)

Anyone have weekend plans?

I had a second interview for a job today, i hope i can get it. They'll be getting back to me next week or the week after. Its good because I'll be able to focus on my first test coming up.

I have evening class on my birthday, and then a test review the next morning.

happy birthday to me

I miss you!

I miss you all! I have been in the process of moving...nearly there.

Soy Mocha
A thin toffee stick dipped in chocolate
Lots and Lots of water
Healthy Choice Pot Sticker Meal

Workout: Moving, I carried a desk down 3 flights, across the parking lot, and up three flights

I am sick right now, congested yet again. So I need to sleep. Classes are going to be fun, but since its an 7 week semester they are going to go fast!! I'm turning 21 in a week :s

I will catch up on a few blogs right now, but hopefully things will settle down so I can finally be on here consistently! Yay for internet :)

Date Taken: 4/25

Friday, April 23, 2010

Rainy Days, Grayed Skies

Date Taken: 4.22 - a sweater I made with my b/f band logo
Do you ever feel like you don't know yourself? Caught between some alternate reality, or state of mind. I think it might have to do with getting older in general. My boyfriend says I'm a woman, but I still feel like a girl. A few days ago I was working out, I think I was doing rows with a pulley machine. When I do resistance training I like to look in the mirror and check my form. I feel in the writing/story mood, so here is the rest of the experience:

Working out comes hard for some, impossible for others, and then exciting for anyone like me. When I walk in the doors, get my pass scanned and walk to the dressing room, I keep my chin up and hold my posture well. I start getting into the zone. I pass males who give me the eye, and ignore their interested looks. I roll my eyes at the girl just sitting on the machine, texting on her phone, or flirting with someone.
I am not ashamed to dress in front of anyone in the locker room. I work out and whether or not I'm the best looking person at the time, it motivates me. Just before I walk onto the gym floor I put in my ear buds and turn on some favorite workout music.
I'm wearing my tennis shoes, simple shorts, baggy t-shirt. I don't see anyone. I hear my music and I begin with the task ahead. Today I plan to workout my chest, triceps, back, and lower abs. After that I'll run on the treadmill for at least 3 miles.
Its always annoying to use the pulley machines. I'd venture to say most girls don't go near it, and the ones that do are super in shape and toned. So when this thin figure walks up to the pulleys, I have to guard where I am! Guys are rude and overlook me.
I start doing my set, I'm always moving. Tricep pull down max out on reps, pushups, triceps, leg lifts, triceps, push ups. Then I move to the chest, and so on. The whole time I continually check to make sure my body is in proper position. My back is straight, my legs are bent, and I'm using the right muscles to do the exercise.
I was doing rows, checking the alignment on my back, when I looked at my face in the mirror.

I wanted to dropped the bar and get away from my reflection. I stared at my face for what seemed like ages. I wanted to cry. I was searching for the 17 year old girl. The girl that was happy to go to the gym because it made her feel wonderful. I stared at the soon to be 21 year old stranger who enjoyed the gym, but mostly went because she'd hate herself if she didn't go.

I searched for the young, care free smile that was nearly always spread across her face. The young self that had never made herself fast for 5 days, or eat herself sick, knowing she'd throw it all up. The young girl hardly stepped on the scale, she was content with her average weight: 137 lbs she would admit to people, without resentment. The young girl that loved herself and focused her energy on loving life itself. If I could have only found her, and told her not to end up like me.
I couldn't see a trace of her in the mirror. Who was this narrow-faced person looking at me. When did I change into such a different person? Why did I decide to look up tips of starvation and extreme weightloss? God help me. Who is that sick person I call myself? I hope I'm dreaming. But I reach up and touch my cheek, that is who I am.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I need fun. I'm always on the go. I tell him I want to do something fun

we don't.

I don't take time for myself.

I make things too easy for him, when I really want him to commit

I want to say "If you want to be with me, then show me"

he is a sweetie. but will he grow up?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I love the Sunshine

Weight: 118
I'm happy :)

I have to go play piano but I'll update again, if I can.

Date Taken: 4/20

Date Taken: 4/20
I made the shirt this morning! Its my boyfriend's band T

Monday, April 19, 2010

Busy. Forgive. Me.

I beg your forgiveness for my absence. I've been really busy. pshh lame excuse I know.

I move out, start school, and all that garb NEXT WEEK!

I'm so unprepared. Last thursday was the last time i had a legit workout:
Chest, tricep, back: 40 minutes
Running/incline walkin: 45 minutes

I've been trying to jump around with my intake, whether is all liquid, low cal, all veggies, or what not.

Stay strong! I'm going to go check on your blogs now. I love you all!
Date taken: 4/15

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tone your Legs

There are a lot of great exercises for your butt and thigh toning
here are some of my favorites:

Squats: Make sure you are pushing your butt back and not leaning over your ankles. Even if you can't bend super deep at first, you'll get there, and it will still do you wonders. I also like doing leg presses on a machine. This works your inner thighs, butt and hamstring(if you do a press i usually feel it in my quads too)
Lunges: I like to do walking lunges, before I switch legs I kick my back leg up to get some extra glute work
Wall sits. Try doing it in 15 second increased sets. You can also do wallsquats with a ball behind your back
Leg lifts: I like to do Up-Down- bring knee to chest- bring back to parallel
I don't know what this is called: but i like this. I also sometimes use a resistant strap.
Bridge: Love love love this. I do it often.
Cardio will help you burn the fat. But don't forget, you need to do resistance training too! You need to build muscle or else the 'skinny fat' phenomena happens

Other tips:

Skip steps when you walk up stairs. If you have an office job(like me), if you go to the bathroom do some squats or lunges ( i really do it 3-5 times during a shift)

Focus on the muscle group you are trying to target as you work out, don't just lunge, focus on the glutes and the quads



Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The gap in the thigh

Okay So i'm not fat anymore

In fact I was blocked up and bloated. I will post the pic I took. Guess what happened within a day monday?

i dropped 4 pounds

EWWWWW that is gross considering WHY I was 4 pounds up

use your imagination

My next post will include leg exercise advice. Thanks for your lovely comments

Below: Muse
Yay I love drummers! Muse's drummer has a pretty sweet, wet sounding, set (P is a drummer :p)
This was the closest I could get, and then i nearly died because people started jumping around and I was like "eek where is my boy? I need protection" I survived
Matt Bellemy throwing his pick, Dominic talking to the crowd as they exit
P and I at the end of the show I headed up to the front for a bit by myself to try and get shots. Nasty sweaty nastiness. I forgot how sweaty it gets up in the front
This pic is epic, but look at all the people!
The Venue was PACKED. Balcony seats and everything

Monday, April 12, 2010


My insurance switched, thus causing issues with my prescription. I really hope I can get things sorted out. I didn't take pills for a few days and I turned into a fat monster. Its like I can't think about anything and chewing passes time.

For real. I took a pill the day i THOUGHT I was going to get my Adderall(please correct my spelling since anytime I post that word Someone has to correct my dumbness). Anyway. I function well on days I take my pill.

Not saying I can't function when I don't. But seeming how I'm already crazy as is. . . its nice to get help :)

So needless to say. I'm pre period. Bloated. Ugly. But these pics from last week make me have some hope

April 3, 2010

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Spring Thinspo

I inherited my little bros girl skinny jeans

size '0-1'

wearing them now.