You're not alone

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Where to begin

Ladies and Gentleman.  I have been working my ass off. 7 days a week. I don't have any time or real privacy to post. I vow to do better though. I started using instagram. @stickthin. The thing with that place though, is that nearly EVERYONE is under the age of 18. I need people I can relate to. I have been such a bad friend to not try harder. I miss you all.

I work two jobs. Doing hair. And doing office work, HR, Books, secratary. Its insane. And it is self induced. Why? Do you ask? Because

My marraige is struggling. I am really having a hard time being married.

We started getting some counseling together. I don't really know what to think. All I can say is that we owe it to each other to grieve the loss of our child, together. Then we will move on from there. My life is a mess. I am a mess. I started drinking again. It was such a poor choice, but I can't seem to really stop. Or want to stop.

Do you know how hard it is to work in a profession(doing hair), where you need to put on a face? I don't mind listening to my clients. Its just so exhausting to pretend like I am "fine". I am absoultey not ok in any way shape or form.

I feel so low. I feel like a piece of shit. I want to lose weight quickly, but I don't want to deal with the consequences.

I have started hurting myself again. Cutting.  Bruising. Will I ever let this go? I can't

I can't

Becuase I know that this form of coping works. I know it does. Someone PLEASE present me with something that works just as well. Until then.

I can't let it go

ps. I am a little drunk. Hope my words make sense