You're not alone

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Army, Green, and pretty things

Upon your requests:

Thanks for your support everyone!! I'm reading and commenting on your blogs. I'm still having crappy internet, but I'm doing well. I am soooo sore from working out and snowboarding. Ha ha yesterday was a blast, totally didn't land a jump and hurt my tail bone. But P hurt his harder, and he's been bitching (its cute though) since.

i want to fast. I need to run or do cardio a ton this week. I can't wait to get toned

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Did you take adderol today?

P has notice the past two days that I've been rather..hyper. And the past 3 days he has asked if i have or haven't taken my pill "I can tell". One reason is that I'm really happy. The other is that I'm broke like a bloke and I've been rationing my Adderol.

I'm about to go pick up my prescription refill though!! I asked my mom to help me out. so sorry for the spaciness.

Yesterdays intake was alright.
banana - 8:00 am
apple - 3:00 pm
a few bites of pasta
strawberry shortcake(no whip cream and its the real shortcake, not the transfatty gross kind)

I ran two miles, walked another half mile. Today I didn't fast like I wanted, but I've been with P pretty much all day, so hopefully tomorrow I can fast.

I hope everyone is staying strong! I love you all so much. Please tell me if I need to start following your blog. I'm probably moving to an apartment, I'll have internet all the time!! So I'll be more consistent AND I'll be able to comment and stuff. I feel horrible.

Alright I have to stop writing and get some stuff done.

Stay strong!!!

What thinspo should I post next?

Sunday, February 21, 2010


This is our Valentines Night. I look gross, he is a babe
Can you tell I love this man?
My Portuguese lover

I've been very sick as of late. Two weeks ago I was in bed for nearly 3 days straight. Runny bowel movements, puking, and completely exhausted. On top of it all P and I have been having major discussions, causing serious emotional break downs.

I went to my chiropractor and found all the various problems, bacterial infections, viral, allergy, and some cranial issues. I got a massage last week, really helped ease the tension. I'm feeling a lot better :)

Minus the fact that my eating has been disappointing to myself. I'm trying to eat more, please everyone that was getting worried about me. I feel fat, shitty, horribly disgusting. I've put on maybe 3 pounds. I know I can lose it, if I get back on track. but its hard when P is always keeping his eye out. We went running 2 times last week, and we plan to go more this week. I also took him snowboarding on friday. So I'm being active. I just need to get into a routine. I can't cut back and completely starve myself, but I can cut back a little, and get in shape.

Emotionally. P and I talked about..the ex. J. Basically he wants to beat his Ass. Since i've stopped using substances, I am able to see how I really did feel about J. Our relationship was clouded by drugs/alcohol.

Doesn't mean P was happy to find a few things out.

We are in love. We want to make love, but we believe in celebacy until marriage he he. Doesn't mean its hard not to get too passionate. We went to my brothers wedding yesterday, after the ceremony I was giving him a tour of my parents huge house. We ended up in my little brothers secret room, made out for a bit. He is...amazing. I've loved him for 4 years. And now all I want is to fall asleep next to him, and then see him first thing in the morning. It will take time, but I think we'll be married within this year. Crazy to think about. I've already started designing a wedding dress.

This weeks plan:
MW 800 or less
T- liquid
Th - 0
F - 800
S - 600
Su - 0

I'll try it out. I' m going to be running with P tomorrow, and hopefully other days. And then we'll be snowboarding again this weekend :) Stay strong girls. Nads, Mellon, I am so glad to see you guys back! I know that you are both struggling with things, Nads - i hope you figure things out with 'ben'. Mellon - I hope you can break out of the cycle soon. Its rough, but its worth it. We are here for you

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Thinspo Thursday

And when the night is cloudy
there is still a light that shines on me
shine until tomorrow
let it be

love you all :)
I do my best to comment, if I don't, I still read

Monday, February 15, 2010

Current State of Afairs

I will do a real post soon.
I have limited internet access right now.
I'll try to set up google reader so I can at least read your blogs

been physically ill
emotionally worn out
period is fast approaching
burnt out

at least i went for a good run today :)

i miss you all.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Status: Married

No i'm not married

but you know when you fill out paperwork and they ask you what your status is? Single?

The past few days we've been talking about getting married. This morning he said "I'd work so hard to be a good husband to you".

All in due time. I'll let you know if/when it happens :)

Yesterday I had the worst sickness. It was like i'd taken laxatives (overdose). Anything I ate or drank worked its way out of me SUPER fast. It was gross. And I can't think of what I ate that made me that sick. I'm mostly better now

thinking of you all! loves

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Being Spontaneous

Sometimes when I get stressed and I need to release
I change my hair

I decided to do this at 1:30 AM
While my hair was processing I took some pics of my shoulder/collarbones
I am full of freckles
Its nice to have a change. My hair has been blonde since September.
What do you all think?

I am going to start working out this week
now that i'm done coaching
i have two months to work, work out, and get thinner
then school starts :)
p.s. Check out Little Miss Lover's blog. We've been texting buddies for over a year and she just started a blog