You're not alone
Friday, December 25, 2009
Nothing more or less to say than: I love you all and thank you for your support. Enjoy your holiday!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A much cuter person :) Agyness. Love her
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
It has been such a long and tiring year.
I'm ready for it to be over.
Things with P and I are slowly developing, and I adore it. I adore him. I keep having flash of random memories. Remembering when I was 17 and him and I shared our first kiss.
Or when we first exchanged "i love you"
A couple nights ago he kissed me, with a lot more..whats the word..passion i suppose. I was afraid he would recoil and not touch me for a long time(he wasn't allowed to do anything more than shake a girls hand while away). Last night I was proved wrong. I think we both want to marry each other. Its foreign for me to seriously be saying, " I could be getting married soon". I know some of those who blog(reese) are married. Is it scary? I've known P for 4 years now and before we left we used to talk about being married. But now its so surreal.
And unfortunately on top of all that I still have feelings for J. I know I just talked about being married to P, obviously I'm not ready for that anytime soon. I love and hate romance. I don't believe in "The One". Which I think plays a part of my shitty feelings running all over the place. Wanting P, missing J. Missing P, wanting J back. F. M. L.
Alrighty I'll try and read a few of your blogs now!!! I'll post again soon. Avoid the sweets!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Firstly: Comments for some blogs that I can't post on:
Lyndee. I love you girl. I don't know if you'll still read my blog. Stay strong with what your current goals are. Don't forget I'm here for ya!
also: I'll be taking those pics down soon. probably not the legs one. but yup yup
Monday, December 14, 2009
After a long talk he said that he now feels more hopeful, and thats a good start for me. We are going to go on a date this week. I just want to be his again, but it will take time.
Yesterday i weighed in at 116. I have eaten some food. Too much in my mind, but i need to keep tricking my body. I am feeling sick in bed right now though.
I'll read your blogs when i have a computer. I'm on my phone. Thanks for all your support!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
And also THANK YOU for your thinspo input. I think I'll make a poll and gather thinspo for a week depending on which category is highest. And then at the end of it I'll post.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I wasn't planning on posting tonight but i couldn't wait! I'll post in the morning again about some things on my mind. But for now:
Candy cane 80(low blood sugar)
Soy mocha 180 at most (horribly mixed so all the sweet stuff was at the bottom BUT i didn't finish it)
3/4 of a bean(no cheese) burrito ?????
Hershey kiss: 35
Total: 295 + ????
Since i've been doing mostly liquids the past few days that burrito felt like a binge, but j helped me eat it. I'm sure i ate less thab 3/4. I just hate not knowing how much calories, including that partial mocha. Oh well. I decided i have to allow myself higher cal days, and sweets now and then(i argued with myself the whole way home wether or not i should buy more sweets, the skinny me stayed strong)
AND NOW THE REASON I COULDN'T WAIT TO POST:
WEIGHT: 119.4 LBS , 54.15 KG, 8 st 7
I couldn't believe it. I'm most likely fasting again tomorrow, but i'll post more tomorrow. Love you all!!!
Diet mt. Dew 0 cal
soup at 10 and 1 during work with black coffee in between: 220 Cal.
White chocolate raspberry Soy mocha with an extra shot. I'm guessing around 200. The coffee shop i went to uses low cal soy
Total 420, maybe more?
I had a busy day and way too much caffeine. But staying strong, thinking off you all. Thank you to those who take the time to leave a comment, weaselbee, Sar, sarah, flushed, thinner, fallen angel, jo(pro ana) you rock! And if i forgot to mention you, tell me!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
1:00 am sw; 122.2(55 ish kg, 8 st 12 :()
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Intake: luna bar 180, homemade almond mocha 100, chips(4) and salsa 80, lemonade? It was sugar free homemade, toast with jam, 120.
I'm happy with it, considering my weight this morning was 120.8! My home scale is two pounds off i think.
I must sleep. Early morning gym! I'll catch up on your blogs when i get to work
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I have a hard time thought with my Mom buying the phone. I told her that I was sorry I couldn't afford my life. I was really trying to pay for everything that I can. But alas I'm always scraping by. I've made a budget online, this is the first month, so we'll see if it helps.
I don't know if I'll go to the gym today. I finally got sleep last night but I'm really sore and tired. I'll just continue my restricting. 110 by the end of the year seems possible now