You're not alone

Friday, December 14, 2012

Long Day at work but its friday

First off - thanks for all your lovely comments. I warned you that it would be a downer, and I need to mope that day.

Holiday season is hard. I wish I could split myself into 10 people to go to all the parties, receptions, movies, work, etc. I am happy though because P is finished with his finals. We have a busy few weeks, but at least he is stress free.

Sad news - NOT going to LA after christmas. I was really looking forward to it, but his parents can't go anymore. And we also have had a bit of bad luck with car repairs. So WORK WORK WORK is the new agenda. I would love to take the weekend after Christmas and go some where warm, but maybe i will just have to settle for lots of tanning :) 
Besides, we will be going to VA in the middle of January. I am so excited.

I see my body slimming. P notices it more and more. I am not really doing a ton of restricting. But, i was eating a TON from Sep-mid Nov. Like fast food every fucking meal. I am content with myself for not over indulging anymore.

My next step is to figure out a schedule where I can get a consistent exercise routine. i was doing well for 2 weeks, then the period happened(mine suck so bad right now because of my IUD). I also just get so burnt out with work. So tired all the time.

I am not allowing myself alcohol until I reach 135. I don't know my current weight. I am too scared to look. My eating habits will change drastically come january.

I hate New years resolutions. I am not calling it that, because thats not what they are to me. I just know that the last few weeks of this year will be relaxing, and worry free. I drink way too much Diet Coke. I don't exercise like i want.

And even though I am going to make changes in Jan, I have already started.

My brain hurts. Having one car sucks. Hope P gets home soon.

Love you all!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

This one will be a downer

I see people moving on in life. And I try for the most part. But there is still a part of me that is holding on to the past.
I go to therapy and ask "what do I need to do to change?" I have been putting a bandaid on my issues without truly fixing the injury.
I haven't completely wasted my time. I have a license to do hair. I have put two years of a degree behind me. I am married. I have a good job that will be giving me a lot of experience.
I just hate waiting. I wish P was done with school. I want to get out of Utah. I need to get away from my family. They cause me so much emotional pain and stress.

I also hate waiting to lose weight. I hate myself right now. I hate my body. I think I am so fat. I feel all y fat jiggle. I am worthless


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Muscle weighs more than fat

I got down to 145.2. And then have remained 146.8 the past 4 days. I think it's because I worked out M-Th every night. And I have been working on building those muscles.
Friday - I purged. I was doing fine until I got to my office mid day. There were a ton of sweets. And it's not like i ate a ton. I was just frustrated with myself of falling in to the habit of mindless eating. So I purged the sweets. I allowed myself to keep the healthy homemade sandwich I made.
Friday night things went south - not with food - but I decided to drink. My husband doesn't drink. So I drank a good amount quickly. We were supposed to go shopping. But I got sick. And I couldn't tell him why. So no Gym for me that night.
Saturday I was ok with intake. I was hungover and didn't workout, but I did hair for 4 hours and that is tiring. I ALSO played a show! I had so much fun! I did eat out and drink some non diet soda but its ok.
Today has been well. Just finished a cottage cheese, tomato, and cucumber snack. Gotta go do some more hair.

Love ya bitches

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Sleep Best

anyone have any blog template sites they would reccomend? My blog looked a lot better before blogger changed everything. I need some ideas.

Intake: 1139
Outake: 737
Net 402
Tomorrow is friday. Its glorious. Sort of. I work and am so busy that I don't ever get a real day off. I am playing a show on Saturday! Yup. This girl is in a band. I play cello in Searching for Celia. Want to watch me play?

Pretty fun stuff eh?

Before and After Bitches