You'd think I learn by now

Thank you all for the lovely compliments. It really made my day. <3>

Thursday night J and I were falling asleep. I was clingy from our adventurous day, I felt his warm skin against mine, his arms were protecting me.

"I want to tell you something" I said quietly in the dark.

"What is it?" he asked sweetly.

"It will sound stupid"

I had been telling him all day how much I adored him. I thought about marriage and what not. I tried to explain to him about how close I felt to him. What I really wanted to say: I'd marry you

Which I indeed end up saying out loud! I blame sleep deprivation and pot.

"J. I'd marry you" I rolled to my side, being spooned by him

a few seconds(too many seconds) of silence

and more

"I feel like I should say I want to marry you"

My chest hurt as I fell asleep, and upon waking up in the morning. So yesterday I wrote him a letter. Explaining that I was somewhat delirious last night, but the way he responded made me sad. You see I didn't expect him to say anything, and I hadn't really thought about 'us' as married until two days ago. We would half heartedly joked about growing old together and swearing at each other as we decay(he he)

He wrote me a letter back. Saying it took him off guard, maybe the timing was wrong, he knew he should have not said anything, but felt bad for the silence. He ALSO said how he felt the need to cry, he felt like he wanted me to know he NEEDs me, as in he is able to trust me. He said we are GOOD together. We make things work. and

He would marry me too

He noted how we both know we aren't ready, but a possibility? Yes.

I really love him so much. I can't keep my eyes off him at times. I feel overwhelmed.

I re colored my hair last night!!! Its like grayish purple and then the ends are still a little dark so there is still some hint of yellow. But its a LOT better looking and I'll post a pic soon.

Ook so you'd think I'd learn a lesson about laxatives.. such as. They work for only so long. If you abuse them for too long your body begins to have the reverse effect. Like BM please dear GOD. TMI but today I finally look skinny again. I love my hip bones.

I'm thinking about fasting tomorrow. I don't think i have any reason to eat.

Stay strong everyone!!