You're not alone

Sunday, October 18, 2009

You'd think I learn by now

Thank you all for the lovely compliments. It really made my day. <3>

Thursday night J and I were falling asleep. I was clingy from our adventurous day, I felt his warm skin against mine, his arms were protecting me.
"I want to tell you something" I said quietly in the dark.
"What is it?" he asked sweetly.
"It will sound stupid"

I had been telling him all day how much I adored him. I thought about marriage and what not. I tried to explain to him about how close I felt to him. What I really wanted to say: I'd marry you

Which I indeed end up saying out loud! I blame sleep deprivation and pot.
"J. I'd marry you" I rolled to my side, being spooned by him
a few seconds(too many seconds) of silence
and more
"I feel like I should say I want to marry you"

My chest hurt as I fell asleep, and upon waking up in the morning. So yesterday I wrote him a letter. Explaining that I was somewhat delirious last night, but the way he responded made me sad. You see I didn't expect him to say anything, and I hadn't really thought about 'us' as married until two days ago. We would half heartedly joked about growing old together and swearing at each other as we decay(he he)

He wrote me a letter back. Saying it took him off guard, maybe the timing was wrong, he knew he should have not said anything, but felt bad for the silence. He ALSO said how he felt the need to cry, he felt like he wanted me to know he NEEDs me, as in he is able to trust me. He said we are GOOD together. We make things work. and
He would marry me too
He noted how we both know we aren't ready, but a possibility? Yes.
I really love him so much. I can't keep my eyes off him at times. I feel overwhelmed.

I re colored my hair last night!!! Its like grayish purple and then the ends are still a little dark so there is still some hint of yellow. But its a LOT better looking and I'll post a pic soon.
Ook so you'd think I'd learn a lesson about laxatives.. such as. They work for only so long. If you abuse them for too long your body begins to have the reverse effect. Like BM please dear GOD. TMI but today I finally look skinny again. I love my hip bones.

I'm thinking about fasting tomorrow. I don't think i have any reason to eat.

Stay strong everyone!!


what if summer... said...

Ha ha... I know how being taken aback by a comment can cause a pretty bad response. Case in point: About 2 weeks after my boyfriend and I had started dating, I just kind of assumed we were "in a relationship." I changed my facebook and myspace statuses accordingly because I was so excited. Later on the same day I changed them, my bf says, "I have something to ask you... Will you be my girlfriend?"
So me, being kind of confused because I wasn't aware he needed to ask me and because I thought he had gotten my message earlier that day telling him I had arbitrarily changed my relationship status, I looked at him all weird and just said, "Umm yeah, I guess."

I felt like such a jerk. We've been together for 2 years and that STILL upsets him.
Ugh. It happens lol

diente de león said...


don't get it. at all.

are you engaged now? or something like this?

oh my gosh.

Matilda B. said...

awn hehe that was sweet! :) i mean... if you feel it... it's okay to say it! :) and hahaha no nads i don't think she's engaged... i think she just loves him so much she feels she could marry him! ... right?

Steph said...

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's adorable and amazing. I'm glad you've found a guy that you care about so so much (:

and holy crap we're right foot/ankle freckle buddies!! who would've guess??
oh, and yes writing is amazing and so is day dreaming, I just get that problem where I think of a great story but to lazy to write it down, and then forget it :/
haha but its okay!


SBB said...

Did you fast as planned? If so I hope it was super easy!
Ugh that must've made your heart hurt when he responded like that. I'm glad he didn't mean it the way it came across. You guys have such an amazing relationship, and you communicate so well with eachother. That is def. something I envy =P
Stay strong hunnie <3

Mina Belle said...

Ugh boys.
Do not mention any form a commitment or they freak out.
not even going to a party next weekend.
too big of a commitment....