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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Post Whore


Forgive me for being a post whore. I have another 3 hours left until I leave work so I thought I'd expound on things.

I said I've been avoiding things, to begin with: Work. I work at a call center as the human rescource/office assistant. I don't have much to do if we aren't hiring. This week the office had a client visit, everyone had to dress up nice. They never associate with me. I came in 3 hours on monday and pretty much didn't come in the rest of the week. I did go to the salon twice this week, but I have no clients. I feel depressed when I'm there. I did do one hair cut thursday, and then my friends hair saturday. J and I got another bag of green so I've been smoking a lot this week. I enjoy coaching though so at least I have that much to keep me busy. Saturday rolled around and I realized how extremely screwed I was if I didn't get more hours of work. 3.5 hours is about 20 dollars. I have a payment due next week and I have to get meds soon. So yesterday and today I've been sitting in the office watching crazy stuff on hulu

Currently watching: The Last Man On Earth

I've been worried about my little sister. She is extremely depressed. Everyday its something new to complain about. She wants to move, she doesn't have money, she hates the job, she doesn't have friends. I don't even know how to help her. I don't even know if I can. I just feel so bad for her. Sigh. I care too much.

I've also been avoiding blogging. Why? Not sure. Because I love blogging and I love you all. I've just felt so confused about life. Like where do I want to go with my life? I don't want to kill myself but sometimes I wonder who would notice if I were gone. You know? I know people care about me. But I feel so lonely. I shouldn't, I have J, but sometimes I wish I had other friends. I was doing my friends hair at her apt, it made me realize how much I do miss being with roomies, girl friends. I hate personal drama, but its fun to hear people talk about new boys. I just don't have any girl friends.

I wish I knew how to make things better, but I don't. One thing I know will help is FINALLY getting back to the gym. I'm taking it really easy on my ankle, but even 20 minutes of cardio made me feel amazing. When I get off work i'm going to do some leg lifts and crunches at J's. We are going to be smoking, but I told J not to let me eat after. We are making spiked smoothies, which I'm okay with because they are like a party in my mouth: Soy dream, mudslide, vodka, coffee.

Starting tomorrow I'll be fasting though. I want to do weights and as much cardio I can handle. Its weird. Usually I crave sugar all the time, but for some reason its a big turn of to me. I'm not complaining. In fact I decided I won't eat another piece of candy this whole month.

Haloween :( I hate it. I am not going to any parties, I'm going to watch Zombie movies at my new apt and pass out candy with J.

The holidays are coming, equaling stress. I'm going to just deal with it one month at a time.

Love you all!

4 comments:

Sar said...

Wow, girl, I totally feel you on this post. I can relate to so much you are talking about. Starting with having no girl friends..I have no close friends!! So me & you can be friends! We probably would be, anyway. Both (seemingly) enjoy writing and get a kick out of reading other people's "journals". Ha. As for your younger sister, I don't know her age, but I do know ANY teenage year is a tough one. Just try to be a good influence :) When I get around my younger brother I get silly and start preaching the good word, as if I am a good role model..ha! But I pretend to be!! And as a result we have grown closer. SO worth trying.

Well, it's early, I was going to say more, but gotta get to class. Cheer up!! Oh yeah and Halloween & holidays do suck. I tend to get depressed/stressed around this time of year too. Stay strong!! xo

Lyndee said...

uggh holidays so suck! sorry not avoiding any texts you have sent me i dropped my phone in the toilet during a purge!!! try explaining that one to mum and dad! Uggh i just i have been avoiding blogging to and i get a new phone tomorrow so maybe we can start a text marathon soon! lol much love! Stay strong! thin(K) thin! XOXO Lyndee

Rachel B said...

Oh god, I hate the holidays.
Also, your drink sounds amazing.
That's really sweet that you care about your sister like that though. Mine is only 13, and the turmoils of middle school have her calling me with her troubles. It breaks my heart. I know where you're coming from.

SBB said...

Ugh I related so freaking much to that post.
Money. I hate hate hate money. Always trying to have more, so you work harder, stay longer, and put up with more shit. But in the end the result is always the same; you just don't have enough.
Again that is awesome that you are so close with your siblings. Maybe by just being her "rock" and someone she can confide in will help her enough. You obviously love and care about her, so maybe just having stupid sister days when you do things that you enjoy doing together... will help her out?
Mmm.. I have no friends. I literally have none. Just the bf. At times it is really freaking lonely especially when he and I are fighting or if I need advice on him.. I don't know how I would make any decent female friends now -- I'm 22, finished college and all I do is work! Maybe you should reconnect with the girl friends that you do have!
I get not knowing what comes next in life... I've figured out that just living life is next. We already did the high school and graduated, I did the college.. so now all I have left is work, move out, get married.. and maybe start a family. I'm not in a rush so I decided to just live, and enjoy myself. It can be super boring... but that's life.
Your spiked smoothies sound delish. The holidays are rough on a lot of people, just stay strong and keep looking for the silver lining... and when you can't find it ask J, I'm sure he'll be able to help you locate it hun!
xo