I swear he doesn't always look like that
Coffee!! We went there twice today ha ha
We went out to eat at this Raw Foods place. Its all organic, vegan, and raw. We shared this hummus pizza thing.. so good
Waiting for the food, I was playing mario cart on the nintendo DS. Go YOSHI!
And this is me in his arms
I remembered my game plan when I woke up this morning.
i was getting ready to go coach, and then go to work afterward
I made myself some coffee and then cuddled up to J for a bit longer
he got really sad
"What is it?" I asked
"I want to lie here with you" he said sadly
"I have to coach, I'm sorry"
We cuddled a bit more, and then he said,
"Here's the plan. You go coach, and then come back and I'll hold you"
"What about work? Babe you need to go to work, I need to go to work"
Then he just hid his head in the pillow.
"I don't want you to go"
I couldn't tell if he was over-exaggerating
trying to be silly/cute
then I saw the pillow had some wet spot
right by his eyes
My heart Dropped
"What is it hun?" I asked, I have never seen him cry(except when I tickle him, or we laugh about dumb shit when we're high)
He just buried his head more into the pillow
"Baby please. What's wrong?"
"I guess its not just you who hates life"[i was suicidal last night, got really scared, prayed, felt love, cried, thats another story]
He just started crying and crying.
"I can come back when I'm done coaching"
"Bbbut i have to work" he was still crying hard.
really. he has NEVER cried in front of me.
I wanted to cry
"Let me hold you. we'll figure something out"
I came up with the idea to drive up to SLC and just walk around. Go to a few boutiques, coffee shop, whateva. After I lightened his hair, and cut mine(i cut the back shorter, left the front long, i can't wait to be platinum) :), we ventured out. I wanted to fast today but seeing J sad like that, and wanting to make him feel better was first priority over fasting. I know that might sound weak, but today I am happy. J loves me. He thinks I'm beautiful, and today I just..God. My heart is seeping out of my body and just..loving him. I can't explain it. I think we really got even closer today.
We talked about moving to Oregon together. I have never seriously considered/thought about marriage with him, but today I thought about it. We care deeply for each other, and we always try to help each other out. I love him. I love him. I'm looking at him right now and my stomach is just doing flips. Today i've just been clingy. I feel selfish that I always cry about whatever, "You're not the only one who hates life sometimes".
So yes I didn't fast, I failed you all. But Love called. I have to take care of my babe sometime.
oh. p.s. fast starts tomorrow :) stay strong!