You're not alone

Monday, June 1, 2009

Why I am doing this.

Did I choose ana? Did it choose me? I think that is a debateable question. Do people one day wake up and decide to have an eating disorder? Why do I want to be thin? Becuase I think its beautiful. I feel more self worth. What force is driving me to hate my body? I didn't always. That was before, however, my body decided to change. It took me 4 long years to finally realize I had an ED. Now that I've accepted it ana has taken me on a journey. I've gotten to my lw before and I was nearly at bliss..just a few more pounds, just a few more. I've since gained, and for a while I thought maybe I'd let ana go. I don't feel like that is an option though. I hate myself for ever gaining, and even though I tried to be happy, I wasn't. So I'm working my way back down the scale. The lighter I get, the happier I am. I'm not doing this for attention(although once you do start getting people to envy you..the attention drives me on), I'm not doing this to impress people, I'm doing it because it makes me happy. It brings me to a place that gives me complete control. So when people tell me I'm wrong, unhealthy. Or when they whisper behind my back "is she ana", I ignore it. They are just jealous they don't have the will power. It is my choice and its no ones business. I will be thin, and no one can stop me(except myself).


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