You're not alone

Monday, June 15, 2009

digesting again

Tmi? Maybe. I'm digesting food again on my own. Its a good feeling because I have so many stomach problems, and I know an ED on top of it all doesn't help. I'll go through phases where I start taking too many laxatives. Then the lax bloats me..I slowly wean myself off them, but still have to take them. Then I have one day where I don't take hurts like hell. Then the next day I'm fine. I haven't taken any since friday and I'm feeling a lot better.

Last week was different. I was really busy all week. Work. Salon. Photoshoot(I'll post pics soon). The photo shoot was 8 hours and I at least got paid for it, but it always surprises me how sore and tired I get when I do long shoots. I love it though. Saturday I finished filming for the inide movie. The director wants to use me again for his next film. I also got a call from my agent saying I could be up for an extra in a film. 1500 dollars. And..get this..its another indie Zombie film ha ha. He should be calling me today or tomorrow. I could really use the money so hopefully its worth the time. Saturday and Sunday were lazy days though.

I hate lazy days. I smoked and drank both nights. Watched tv shows and what not. I got really really depressed though. Saturday night I was contimplating suicide again. Same with sunday. I don't know whats wrong with me. I need to be happy right? I had a flash back of 3 years ago. I was at this lds camp thing. I think it may have been the first time I ever made myself throw up. I just wanted to have a reason to go to my room and sleep. I truly have had this ED longer than I've known without fully realizing it. You know?

i'm going to be out of the 130's this week.


Tri Thin said...

digestion is an odd sort of obsession with me because sometimes I'll attempt to lie to myself about what I have eaten but I can't get away from the reality of a BM.

Congrats on the potential job! Very exciting!

& I would love,love,love to be out of the 130s by Sunday. I'm busting my ass this week to make it happen. Good Luck to you!

MyNameIsMellon said...

You lead such an interesting life. Modeling, doing films. I envy you so much. I hope your depression gets better. I mean, I don't know you that well and I don't know much about your life story, but if these are your dreams than it seems that you are truly achieving your goals. I don't know. Maybe you just aren't where you want to be or where you thought you would be right now, but it sure seams like you're headed on the right track. Keep your head up and stay focused on your goals. You're strong and you will succeed!

Ana Angel Orexis said...

im on the orange team now we can do this!

Meggy said...

it seems as if things are going well for you tho..?? dont be sad :( being in movies sounds so exciting!!