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Monday, May 18, 2009

Why are you going emo on me?

Yesterday was frustrating.  I woke up next to J to hear him tell me with a sigh "You have a beautiful body".  I felt beautiful all day.  It was just long.  By the end of the night I was so tired.  We were having a good time and then something in my brain switched and I just shied away from J and curled up in a ball.  He went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and I stayed there.  Motionless.  He climbed in bed, I got under the covers, back to him.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't talk.  "Why are you doing this?  Why are you going all emo on me?(bad thing to say to me.  I hate when people call me 'emo'.  its just a rude connotation toward any human)  You shy away from me and don't talk to me for a half hour, what am I supposed to say?  What am I supposed to do.  Can you try and understand how frustrating this is?  You do it so often.  I don't know what to do anymore"  My response was "It doesn't have anything to do with you, its me"  

That was the basically it the rest of the night.  What was going through my head?  Him seeing my body.  Him seeing my imperfect body.  How could he enjoy that?  How?  I don't even feel like I can please him anymore.  I'm useless.  

2 comments:

myObsession09 said...

I know how you feel. Its like you KNOW that your body isnt where it should be but it seems like they/he lie to you and try to say it is.
Your not emo, you are a gorgeous person. And soon enough you will feel that way on the outside as well.
xox

Tri Thin said...

try to think of it this way - one man's trash is another man's treasure - not that you are trash, but do you see what I'm trying to say? Do your best to appreciate the fact that he loves your body no matter how you feel about it. Good Luck honey - it's weird, I've been with my husband for 6+years but sometimes when he compliments me it turns me off - so I do get it.