When I graduated I started going to the gym and eating healthier. I didn't really lose weight, but I lost my bulky swimmer body. I was really happy with myself. That same summer I met P. My first love and best friend. We had so much fun together and I was really happy with myself and life was fun. I knew P thought I was good looking and that was good enough for me. When I moved to college things started changing. I lived with my best girlfriend who has always been skinnier than me. We shared clothes, I was always jealous of her body and her ability to get boys. I was still in a long distance relationshiop with my boyfriend so the boy part didn't matter so much. Yet when I would come home to visit we would talk about our weights. He always weighed less than me. This is where the self conscious about my body was re triggered. I constantly thought. How did he like me? I wish I weighed just a little less so I didn't look so fat standing next to him.
You're not alone
Friday, May 15, 2009
In high school I never thought much about my body. I was a swimmer and pretty thin. My senior year I was going through a lot of stress and my body started changing from a thin swimmer to a muscular gross pasty thing. I remember at one point I thought I was a lot fatter so I bought these bigger size pants. When swim season was over I realized how huge the jeans were on me. Did I lose weight or was it all in my mind? There were a few times that I didn't really eat. Usually when I had projects, tests. I had a boyfriend for a few months and I remember when I broke up with him I kind of stopped eating. I didn't try, I just had no appetite. I didn't do it becuase I missed him. I think I did it because I wanted someone else to notice me. I didn't really think I had an eating disorder or anything. In fact it was my senior that I finally broke away from trying to be someone I wasn't and just being myself. I was a lot happier, I made new friends and I was confident.
Written by Stick Thin at 9:26 PM