You're not alone

Friday, May 29, 2009

My Story part 4

I got in a car accident in January. I fell asleep at the wheel while I was on my way to work. No one knows the whole truth. At this point in my life I was having a hard time. I mean a really hard time. I was using pills. Cutting. Everything. That morning before I left I took a couple pills. I thought they wouldn't hit me until I got to work. I was wrong. I remember going off to the left of the road, correcting myself, and then going completely off to the right. There was snow, so as my car was going through the snow I remember thinking "oh man, what is going to stop me". It all happened so fast. I was in so much shock I hardly remember anything from that point on. I remember hearing people, they told me my leg was pinned, they were asking me questions. What day was it? Whats your name. Then they asked me what hurt more, my leg or my foot? I remember saying "i'm cold. i'm cold."
When we got to the hospital I was still pretty out of it. I wanted water. I was cold. I kept repeating myself. They asked me who they should call. I told them to call P(my bestfriend)'s mom. The first familiar face I saw was P's dad. The tears came. As more family and friends trickled in I just remember crying. I feel lucky that I can't remember much from the accident, or the hospital. I don't want to remember something like that.
The next week was hard. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat. I went underweight. I nearly over dosed on pills(unintentionally). I was happy to be alive. I was frustrated with my body. I had never gone through something like this. I was drinking diet coke non stop to try and keep food in my body. I went from 110-120 within a few weeks. I started working out again. Then I went on a trip. I ate so much bread. When I got back from that trip I was 125. Not as bad as I thought. After that trip I started doing full time school. I was eating so much crap and not working out very much. I was spending more time with my bf. No time at the gym. Long story short. Here I sit 135. I am finished with school. I have more time for myself. I am going to get my weight back down to 120 within a few months. Two at most. It shouldn't be hard. Thats where I was somewhat happy with my body. Still not perfect.
Life can get hard. It doesn't have to stop us. My accident has slowed me down, but maybe it was needed. Maybe I needed some form of recovery from my ed. I don't know if I would have gotten through school. Many people were freaking out about my low weight. I think a few were ready to take me to a center. Now I'm in control of my life. My leg is healed a lot more. I will do this. Never giving up. Fighting Strong. Love you all



myObsession09 said...

youll get there, june you are such a strong person. I have complete faith in you.
your amazing.

Stick Thin said...

shagef you've been such an angel for me :)