What if

This was a conversation I had with my boyfriend last night:
Me: Would you date me if I weighed 200 pounds?
J: No

Me: 180?

J: No

Me: 150?

J: I think there would be a cut off between me being okay with you having extra weight and you totally letting yourself go. I wouldn't love looking at you..but I'm past that part in our relationshiop where looks totally matter. So probably 160
Me: Ew I've never weighed that. I've never weighed 150. I don't ever even want to be in the 140's again..So how about 140 is the cut off :)

J: Okay

Me: What if I weighed 100 pounds?

J: Well that depends (I was very surprised by this answer). Would you look sickly annorexic at 100 or sexy? If you looked sickly annorexic at 100 doesn't mean you couldn't look sexy at 110.

I am so surprised by that answer. He would be fine with me being underweight. Do you know what this means? I won't be given shit for getting skinny. Sure I will by mostly everyone else in the world, but not him. He never pushes me to eat food, or asks if I'm eating. Its not uncommon for him to eat while I do something else. Sometimes he subtely guilts me into eating. He knows he can get me to eat if I'm high(depending on the food). I think a couple of times he's used that factor. But other than that. I feel so motivated. He wouldn't mind if I was 100 pounds?!? I'll settle for 103.

Staying strong today with my liquid fast. Praise the lord that I found someone to talk to. I haven't had very much control lately and with this fast I finally feel like my old self. Like MYself.