You're not alone

Friday, May 8, 2009

Letter to myself

Dear Self,

How do you feel? Unhappy right? Who brought you here? Yourself. Do you remember having ultimate control? Feeling empty. Feeling light. Feeling numb. The kind of numb that only comes after 3 days of barely eating anything. The kind of sensation you get when you know you have that power to choose wheather or not you think you should eat. What happened? You used to be so small. People used to say "You're too skinny" "You need to eat more". You liked hearing that didn't you? Because then you knew you were at least thin enough to other people that they noticed you. So what is your decision? Are you going to get back that control? Or are you going to continually hate yourself more and more. The choice is yours and yours alone, as it always is. Do you like feeling like a huge fat whale when you are being held by your bf? Where did your hip bones go? Where are your collarbones? They are still there babe. And you are still here. You can make the change. I know you can. Small steps at a time. You can do it.

Love Your Skinny Self

I've compiled a list of Foods I should never consume:
Milk Chocolate(I'm trying to be pure vegan) So no candy unless it is dark chocolate with no milk added.
Peanut Butter
Candy (I'll allow myself some every so often as long as there is no animal prodcut. But I'm a chocolate fan so this most likely won't be a problem. Plus its too sweet)
Cookies, Cakes, Breads, Muffins (I'm allergic to Gluten so I really shouldn't eat those, and they are all made with eggs. Again, trying to be vegan)
Soda(I haven't had this in months, nor does it appeal to me..but still just in case)
Foods I can eat:
Rice!! Rice cakes, Rice Milk, Rice Cheese, Rice Ice Cream(on special occasions. I don't really crave it that much)
Almond Milk, Almond Cheese, Almond Butter
Black Beans ( I don't really like any other kind)
Indain and Thai Food (within reason. I don't have money to buy it, so again not a problem
Vegan Cookies that I make myself
Game Plan (gp)
Start cutting calories to 800-1000 a day. Depending on how much I workout that day
Today I've eaten: 1 banana..about 100 cal. a few sips of coffee. Lunch will be an orange 60-70 cal. I might have a protein shake before I workout tonight =130 cals.
Its a new day. Stay Strong


Daisy said...

Indian and Thai food are my ultimate favorites.
Luckily, for the most part it's pretty light, if I can learn to stay away from that damn warm and fluffy naan!!!!

myObsession09 said...

stay strong hun.
you can do this!!
good luck.