My Story part 3

When I started training I had a really good system. I would eat what I wanted when I wanted, in small porportion and I would make sure I really craved it. My trainer ruined that good habit by having me write down everything I ate, count calories. She wanted me to be eatin 5-6 times a day, small meals, understandable. I started gaining weight, which I knew would probably happen because of muscle gain. A few months after I started training I shaved my head for a charity. I was confident enough in myself to shave my head, but after it all it really took a toll on my personal confidence. I continued to gain through the summer. I hated the way I looked, I always felt like a boy. One day I was at my parents and this asian family friend was talking to me. He was trying to get me to eat some sweets. I told him I didn't want any. He asked why. I told him I didn't want to get more fat. His response was "your not fat, maybe medium". All the sudden I realized, wow I looked horrible. I truly did. I looked at pictures, I looked at myself. I needed to change. So in september I started working out more, I stopped eating crap food. I decided to be vegetarian. I stopped eating dairy. I joined livejournal. I got ideas on how to lose weight. It started working. I went from 147 to 125 in about a month. I loved it. I started peaking though. Bouncing around from 120-125. The holidays came. I was having a hard time losing more, but I wasn't gaining. So I kept working out, running. If i hate too many sweets, I purged. I was purging a lot in the winter. I was freezing too. But I wasn't going to gain anymore. I continued to lose. I think the lowest I got was 115. Everyone was talking about me. I hated it. I wished they would stop. This was my life. My choice. I couldn't be 'normal' this was just the way I was. Then in january I was in a car accident.

more later