You're not alone

Thursday, November 12, 2009

So far so good

Tuesday:

I ran a mile!! In heavy shoes, and i have shinsplints..but my ankle didn't swell!
I worked out with the team doing a lot of leg and abs
I got in a fight with J monday night. I freaked out, i think because i haven't been taking my medication. It was painful to be near him, painful to be away. We work together so that was fun. We're good now. I'm so stupid but he puts up with my shit. I also re touched my roots, and toned my hair. My hair is now a lavendar blonde. Its different, its weird..but so am I. I like it.
Wednesday:
I made it to the gym :) I did about 45 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of weights. I also went tanning. Shh. its a little secret, it makes you look thinner. Last night J came over to my new apartment. I made him some food and we played nintendo. While we were trying to fall asleep we started talking about food. He told me how much he'd eaten yesterday:
2 cups of coffee
a cup of noodles
5 taquitos
He then asked me "Do I have an ED?" I said the difference between him and a person with the disorder is that they conciouslly starve themselves. But you however just drink coffee and eat now and then. I told him he should spend money on food, not coffee. I told him how he needs to try and get way more than 1000 calories a day. at least double.
Can I really be talking to him like that?
I think I can. Because he is so underweight. His chest bone pokes me when we cuddle. He has no but, just bone. I love him and I want him to have energy, he is always tired.
Am I hypocritical? Bleh.
Stay strong everyone! THanks for your support.

4 comments:

Felicity said...

Your hair sounds awesome :) I had lavender blonde hair over the summer, and I miss it so much.

I can relate to your conversation with J about his eating: I have similar ones with A all the time. She eats so little because she forgets to eat, and she's tiny, all bones and no fat, so I desperately try to get her to eat, making and buying her food, feeling like a hypocrite as I do so. *sigh*

Well done on getting to the gym!

x

Flushed said...

I think we all blog about our desire to be thin and what we go through to be it, (for me at least) the disorder is an unwanted side effect. When I read comments on blogs they are not encouraging the disorder but the desire, the goal. I don't believe any of us hypocritical. Do you?

That being said, I don't think anything wrong with you wanting J to be healthy because you care about him!!

Anywho, sounds like YOU are doing GREAT!! I love that you are unafraid to be you, one day I hope to be as confident!

Your amazing! I love you!!
XO

Fallen-Angel said...

Yeah. I go on at everyone about how they should eat healthy and things.
I guess it's because we know and try and stay away from what's "good" for us we just tell other people, just to make sure they're ok.
Or that's what I do anyway.
Great news about the ankle :)
That must've been dead annoying.
Amy xox

Sar said...

You are gorgeous darling, with a sweet soul and a halo to match.

Please write always. Keep us all updated. You and I live on separate coasts..you in CA (I believe) and me in NY. But we connect! Stay stong! Love love love!!!!!!!!!!