You're not alone

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

In patient

I talked with my therapist today. First meeting since the wedding. She is still pushing in patient. I am 80% going by my own will. I was scared for P. He gets depressed, and I didn't want him to feel lonely.

So I asked one of his band mates if he would stay over a few nights while I am gone, I explained the situation. Not only was he willing to move in the whole time, but he also offered to pay rent.

What is there to worry about?

Oh yeah. Losing my control. That is a huge thing in my life. And I hat being unorganized, I hate that feeling of messy life. Ugh.

And another thing... I got on birth control today. P is such a worrier, he thinks I can be pregnant everytime we have intercourse. I was very much against it, but at least for a while he can shut up. It was pissing me off so bad.

I got the Depo shot. The lady was hesitant to give it to me when she found out I have dealt with my ED. Why? Weight gain.

I believe it's a crock of shit. I am not saying it will or won't happen. But does she realize she is talking to an anorectic? If I even think I am gaining weight, I moderate or change things. Silly.

I am at the Anberlin concert, bit feeling ultra sick and have a migraine. I love you all


Xoxo

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

13 comments:

Peridot (G+P) said...

Awesome mate is awesome! Give him a high five from me? :D

Put the control into someone elses hands for a while and relax, before you lose control over the control and it takes control of you. (God, did that make ANY sense?!?)

^.^ Yay for birth control! At least you can control when you start spawning litters of adorable mini-you-guys, hey?

Have a good day <3

Peridot (G+P) said...

Awesome mate is awesome! Give him a high five from me? :D

Put the control into someone elses hands for a while and relax, before you lose control over the control and it takes control of you. (God, did that make ANY sense?!?)

^.^ Yay for birth control! At least you can control when you start spawning litters of adorable mini-you-guys, hey?

Have a good day <3

pagesofsweetpeas. said...

it's so great that you're going to get treatment by (mostly) your own will, you're so strong. & it's awesome that you've got friends who won't leave P by himself.

i am so incredibly jealous of you right now, i was dieing to go to that concert. anberlin + civiltwilight + crash kings = perfection.
hope it was spectacular!!

staystrong, page.

Avani said...

posting from a concert? Sweet! My prayers are with you as you head into inpatient, hon. :/

Mich said...

He seems like an awesome friend. Hope everything goes well with IP. Take it one step at a time - you're strong, you can do it. :D
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lovelybones said...

I did gain weight on birth control, but then I lost it, and some. So that lady can shut it. Obviously we can control what regular people will lazily just accept as something they have no power to change. Right? :)

Mona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mona said...

You're strong. I don't have to tell you to try to be.
You can do this. I can't even fathom how hard it will be, but you can.
And I wish you all the luck and good fortune I can possibly give.

Spacecadet18 said...

You are so incredible. Know why? You're able to give up your control to another person. I could never do that. Just relax, and breathe yourself into a happy place. Love you, girlie. So much. I don't think you know how much :)

Ana Gaia said...

So great that your friends are being supportive! Will miss reading your posts while you're an inpatient, but ditto spacecadet18 - you are incredible for being able to do this. I wish you and P all good things xxx

Stephanie said...

well my habits are puking and smoking, it's getting more and more regular. not too good.
and ive been pretty ehhh, you know, some bad days some good ones. ive stayed in the basic 116-119 weight range for months and months now. bothers my therapist to no ends cause he wants me above 123..screw that haha. but how have you been? i missed not being in this community, im glad to be back.

and good luck with the in patient, i hope you are able to help yourself there. and give that band guy a huge hug for me cause he's great.

xoxo

Princess.Smile said...

good luck!, I really hope you get better! & you can get pregnant any time you have sex(even the first time) if you don't use contraception :) xx

Red Bones said...

I just got my tubes tied for that exact (pregnancy) reason. My fiance is parinoid. We use protection (at least we used to, before this surgery) AND I am on the pill. Geeze Louise! Congrats on getting married!! :)