You're not alone

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

breaking

b: peaches - 175
soy hot cocoa
l: -
snack: cheerios
Workout:

Abs, shoulders, back, triceps

Eliptical 45 minutes, burning 415 cals
This photo illustrates what muscles a hair dresser gains. yummy(not) see it under the collarbone?
I am pretty sure that from cutting hair.

I had a little break down today. I don't like my body. I don't like it at all. Lyndee was so nice to hear me whine, and give me some encouragement.

Here's what was said during therapy session:

"What worries you about inpatient?"

no control, I'll have to communicate with people, will they put me on a pedastool and strip me from who i am? will i even want to recover? or will I just stick through it and then revert back to old ways.

"You are going to a place where you are no longer alone. These people, and other patients, know how you feel, and have possibly shared what you are going through. Instead of being the minority, you are part of a majority"


Its weird to think about. I mean, it would be like all of us bloggers getting together in one room. I won't be alone, and I won't have to whine to people who can't understand what it is to have an eating disorder.

I'm down 1 pound today. I thought I was gaining. Keeping my chin up, and going to try and tone back up so I like my body more


8 comments:

VictoriaCrimson said...

In all honesty- I love that 'hairdresser muscle tone' ;) ! I think it accentuates your thinness. And yes, you've got a good body. A great body. An admirable body. You did a great job today, don't think of it in any other way.

xo
Victoria

Peridot (G+P) said...

You have pecs! I am so jealous right now :p Trade you? You can't see mine at all! Good sounding workout today. Balance out the abs by working the back & shoulders too <3

Thank you for your comment, I'm glad the photos made you smile! I'll remember what you said about Miles when he gets time to read the message on Facebook.

I hope Inpatient works in the way you want it to. I know that I don't want you to lose out to this brain demon like so many others. You will find your way to whatever you want to do.

It will be bloody good to be able to talk to people who understand! The therapists who haven't the slightest fucking CLUE what it's like to hate yourself so much and then proceed to spew platitudes drive me absolutely wild!

You can get through. Just keep calm and fake a British accent ;)

Skinny_el said...

I think you look great! And i love the "hairdresser muscle" haha! If i had that i'd be chuffed! I admire your body - you look so thin and toned. You done fantastic today (: Keep it up! xox

Stephanie said...

your body looks amazing! and good job on the great workout(:
your therapist it is right though, youll be with all these people that understand you. that'll be really nice, I think.

xo

Sophie said...

Oh you are beautiful! I'm with VictoriaCrimson; the hairdresser workout is very effective ;)

I'm sorry to hear inpatient worries you so much. I'd be scared too. But it's awesome that you're going for it! We are all behind you, and will be here whenever you need us <3

Fed Up said...

You look great! You really do. And I could only imagine what it would be like if all of us were in a room together at some sort of gathering. No one would want to eat I'm betting.

JENNY WILL BE PERFECT... said...

those arms are bare sexy. mine are a bit flabby. its not a pretty sight. i am so jelous :P

i'm happy to see you are enjoying married life. <3 xxxx

Lund3on said...

I'd hate to sound like the morbid encourager, but you look good. At least I think so. How's the marraige going? And I really hope you don't go to inpatient therapy. I've been there before but not for ED. It was for an attempted suicide. They're difficult, cuz some people are sooooooo much worse, that you feel that it's pointless being there. I dunno. I would stick to outpatient. But that's just me.