Stuck

I feel totally stuck right now. I want to lose. I need to lose. I just feel out of control. I started working out again, that is helping. I know I could lose pretty quick if I would just get in control of what I put in my mouth. So what is holding me back? I was looking at pictures of my self before my accident, before my weight gain. I looked good. My boyfriend asked to see. He liked them. I feel motivated, but there is still something holding me back. Why can't he just say "God you were really sexy before, maybe you should lose weight again". I want to for him. He is so skinny. Does he know how hard it is for me to be with him? When I'm such a fat loser?

This morning I've probably eaten around 800-1000 calories. I decided to eat a doughnut, and then another, and then another. I'm disgusting. I hate myself. So now I have the rest of the day to either make it better, or fail. I've been failing the past week. I am so sick of it! I hate myself. I am making the change today. I will post tomorrow saying that I didn't fail.

I bought some fresh vegetables to make myself salads. I haven't eaten any candy today, other than those doughnuts. My birthday is in 3 weeks. I want to be close to 120 by then. Thats do able. I just have to really cut out all the nasty shit I've been eating. I am basically a vegan. So any weight I'm packing on is from sugary food/ processed shit.

First goal weight(by next week): 125-13
Week two 125

Week Three 120-125

I can do this. I am going to look through some magazines and put thinspo on my door, bathroom, bedside. I had that at my old place. It really was inspiring.

xoxo