B - breakfast drink -
L - none
D - salad with lots of healthy stuff, Pasta, fattening sugary dessert
and I just had a pudding cup with raisins.
I don't feel guilty about the intake. It had been 2 days since I had a real meal, rather than just liquids and little things.
I just got done bawling my eyes out. I don't know what is up, but I have a few theories:
1) My roomates don't clean their damn dishes. I am too nice to say anything, and double nice because I clean them. I haven't used a dish in days, but I still clean them. AAAAAHHH!!! I can't stand the smelly unclean kitchen. And no one, but myself, takes out the trash. It doesn't matter if its full!! They just keep piling things on top.
2) I can't sleep
3) I don't know how to handle the fact that I've started moving toward recovery. How have I handled it?? Hardcore relapse. I have no desire to eat. At dinner.. I cut my food into tiny bite size bits. First time in a long time, and I nearly cried while P was away from the booth. I don't plan to eat unless it comes up with P, then yeah I'll eat. He knows I'm struggling again. I feel so bad that he has to deal with me. Will he leave me? Screw this ED. I don't want to lose him.
4) I'm a girl
5) I want to get married but money money money....i hate it.
6) I'm alone
Everyone, stay strong. I can't keep my eyes open right now, splitting migraine.