You're not alone

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Always cccold

Date Taken: 6/15
Weighed in this morning: 118.6
I ate a solid food breakfast this morning, first time in a few days.
I'm doing much better than my last post. I cried to my Mom sunday night. She wants me to move home, and I'm considering it. There are pro/con to so many things in my life right now. I don't like making decisions where the outcome is unclear.
But with restricting its easy. I know the outcome.

My Dad picked me up to talk last night, surprised me by taking me to get some food. We went to a health food store/cafe. So it wasn't too bad. But he watched me as I struggled to eat my food. I couldn't finish half. Now that the cats out of the bag with my ED, its made me relapse quickly. I can tell my Dad has no idea what to do. My Mom wants to help me as well, but I'm afraid she will do the negative affect. When we got off the phone the other night she said,
"Promise me you'll try to eat"

I can't promise that, because I don't like letting people down. I have to do it for myself, right? So I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now I'm just focusing on studying for my finals. Then I can make a decision as to where to go next.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to my sister's bridal gown making class. She is making my wedding dress and also using it as her class assignment. We are doing another fitting tomorrow. I'll take some pics if I can.

I'm going to the gym tonight, I have to. I went on a long walk with P last night. It was fun :) But walking isn't good enough for me!

hang in there everyone!


LadyB said...

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I've read your blog in 1 day to get direction for myself. The one thing that impressed me about you is your intellegence and creativity. You will figure this out. Maybe not today maybe not on your own but people like you always come out on top.

R Harlow B said...

if only it was as easy as trying to eat/eating.

its nice to hear your family is supportive and trying/wants to help you (even if they have no clue how too) that counts for something.


ps. I'm always cold too.

Peridot (G+P) said...

Oh wow, the wedding dress tag-team sounds awesome! I bet she gets an A+ and you look like Queen Mab! ^.^

Hmm, I guess not knowing how to help means he can ask you yourself what would help YOU. It's marginally better than someone wading in and screaming "JUST EAT A FUCKING SANDWICH!!!!1!" DX

I'm hugging a hot-water-bottle-baby. 'Tis lovely!

skinnybusiness said...

I'm sorry your going though that. I feel bad for your parents because they can't do much. I hope you figure some thing out. Have fun at the gym.

Ana's Girl said...

I hate decisions in general, but i wish you the very best in figuring out which way will be better for you. I'd love to just hear that you're happy. Stay strong and feel much much better, sweetheart.

Susan said...

I really appreciate your post. It can be extremely difficult dealing with an eating disorder.
I’ve found that Silver Hill Hospital’s adolescent psychiatric treatment family therapy and group sessions can be very helpful in moving forward towards recovery. It helped us examine our family’s issues in a safe and therapeutic environment.