You're not alone

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Programmed to Self Destruct

You are almost shaking as you set the scale on the flat bathroom tile. Its been used more often lately. The weigh in doesn't surprise you, you just ate some chicken salad.


What if it doesn't go away.

If only he hadn't felt your hot skin. "Are you okay you're burning". He brought you water and that sufficed your hunger. It didn't quench his needs, he was worried.

You're shivering in your apartment, while everyone complains of the heat. "Its because you need more calories" he whispers. You won't argue, you want him to stay. But he can't make you eat it all. You stop, a little too full for what you aimed. Guzzle some lemonade, but ask him to put the rest away.

Your body aches from the morning workout. 45 minutes elipticle, 425 calories. lower back and obliques. Don't forget the fact that you only got 1.5 hours of sleep. A full day of school work and class, your brain is a little fried.

You thought you'd be happy to see him tonight. He surprised you with a note and a rose.

You felt invisible, he didn't hold you or kiss you. He put food in your belly. He left, you are confused.
You'll have to do double cardio tomorrow. He'll notice you when you're disappearing

I won't post my weight, because I usually weigh in the morning. I am so sore!!! I think its a mixture of working out and being stressed. I need to get some sleep :)

Its 12:00 AM. I am going to do liquids tomorrow, if not a fast. I just need to fuel my brain so I can study for my finals.

Sleep well lovlies


thinxXxspo said...

i like how you started that, makes me want to read more ^__^

hope you feel better soon! try drinking some vitamin water, it might help.

Elisabeth said...

wow, that was very insightful. you're a very good writer.

LadyB said...

Beautifully written. Glad you're back. You have a new follower

Spacecadet18 said...

I am so glad to see that you've postd again. I was getting a little worried I wouldn't be hearing from you again. You keep me supported. Best of luck on your finals.

Louisa said...

I like your blog. It explains exactly what I felt 1 year and a half ago, and what I am starting to feel again. I feel scared, I feel ugly, I feel weak... I don´t know why am I writing this, I guess I just need to talk with someone that understands. Thanks for the blog. Tons of Love, Lou.