You're not alone

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Twas the night before

This picture I was a little surprised to see my collarbone. I'm starting to feel more and more bones these days.
A much cuter person :) Agyness. Love her

Happy Holidays everyone!
drama happened yesterday morning....

I went to work for about two hours
I was completely exhausted, the drive to work was scary for me
I had to go pick up last minute pictures for my family's gifts
then drive an hour to meet with my mom

Well I didn't do that exactly. I stopped at J's place to visit. I decided I'd take an hour nap, I could still make it up to my bro's in time. My alarm went off, my phone rang. I nudged J to turn off the alarm and I turned off my phone.

Sweet and glorious sleep. I needed it. I sleep well when I'm near J. Its just because I got so used to it.

Four hours later I decided to turn on my phone as J got ready to go to work. 5 voice mails, 5 messages. I checked my text messages first. Then my sister called and told me my Mom was FREAKING out. She called EVERYONE to see if they knew where I was, she even called P and asked him to see if I was at my apartment. P was worried. All for naught because that is how my mom is.

I went up to my parents and had a pretty good time. I didn't really eat dinner, fixed up a bowl of rice and veggies, ate a couple veggies, and a couple bites of rice. Threw the rest out. We did a talent show and I played a song I wrote for P 3 years ago. They voted me as the winner ha ha. I think my little bro was equally if not better. So i'm going to share my iTunes giftcard with him.

I did a lot of people's hair, but I didn't mind it because it was a nice distraction from all the screaming children. Sometimes my anxiety hits at the wrong time :) I am on my period, feel so grosssss but in control. I drove home and am now at P's house. waiting for him to get home with his dad.

I am on el Period. Bleh. I love it this time though because I can hardly eat anything :). My parents gave me my 'stocking stuffers'. I love new socks! They also gave me edible stuff. I already threw most of it away and am giving the rest to P's family. I don't need it. I don't want it. I look at myself and still don't see what I want.

A few nights ago P and I were talking, and he said "You're too skinny". The other night, when I cut on my rib, I texted him:
"I'm too skinny?"

He said he was joking, but I wasn't laughing. I don't know what 'skinny' means. I will never be happy enough, but I am not complaining either! I am so happy I'm finally back down. I look at pictures taken of me recently and am a little shocked at the difference! My goal is to be 110-113 by new years. It will be done :)


If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Eat Them -- NRC said...

You look like Agyness Deyn! She seems to be a big thinspo for you!

Ana's Girl said...

You know something, darling? You look a lot like your beloved Agyness. No, seriously, you do!
"too skinny" is certainly a compliment. Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to agree with the other 2 comments, you truly do :)
I also love your face in the picture!