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Monday, March 29, 2010

Loss for Words


No more excuses

I'm running tonight

Fasting tomorrow

Fuck

Why do I feel so useless today? P can't find a job. His roomate just got TWO jobs. I'm sick of everyone, I just want to be with him. His roomate makes me want to break something. The second he walks through the door, endless talking

sigh

And I feel FAT with a capitol F. But I can't complain about that because its my own fault.

P knows about my extreme starving last year, and then the purging and laxie abuse last summer. Again. My own fault. I sort of told him.

But now this means he won't let me get away without eating. I think subconsciously i did it in order to create a new challenge. Sigh. I am excited to go running with him later. I'm a blimp.

Xoxox

5 comments:

Rand115 said...

Maybe my dad and P should switch mentalities. I told my dad about my purging and he was like 'okay...' and that was the end of it. I told him because I wanted him to fix it, but he's so damn oblivious that I kept on doing it and he didn't notice a thing. Rough patches suck, but you've got nerves of steel.

Miss Burton said...

This is so weird ... the whole wedding talk.
I mean ... I still have to get used to P. Really, I don't even know you guys personally but it's like a huge deal. Thiiiis is so weird. especially since the wedding talk is here so soon, all of a sudden.
Yeah you should go for a run. But you should also stop thinking you're so fat, I ENVY your legs, I really really really truly do! I want to rip them out of your torso and swap with mine, you can have mine, you want them? Just let me have yours instead! Pleeeease?
Nice list you made. It's important to know what you like about yourself.

Being back in Germany is a bit weird. Again it made me feel like ... what should I do next? Should I really go to Australia`? Not France? Maybe even back to England? Should I stay?
It freaks me out. Every single day.

I'm still waiting for the boy to come back to Germany. But not as in ... "waiting" ... if you know what I mean. I flirt, I enjoy my time with other guys ... we'll just see how it goes. But he won't make me cry again, don't worry!


xxx

Sottile said...

If those are your legs in that pic, you are most definitely NO fat with a capitol F, not even with a lower case f! And the picture you posted a few days ago of your legs looks amazing too!

I hope P finds a job soon. It must be so stressful for both of you!

Weasel Bee said...

hooooodia is my new religion. seriously! i highly suggest it to you. i take mine in pill form, they are GIANT ass pills though, i'm always a bit scared of getting one caught up in my throat. but seriously. they make fasting a breeeze, i wish i knew about them like forever ago.

you little runner you! i wish i had your motivation. i always run out of breath so quickly though, it makes exercising such a pain as i get so wheezy and red-faced.

love yew!

shrinking violet said...

Hiya!

Your blogs great, you seem like a really friendly possitive happy person :)

And your legs are fantastic by the way!!!

Violet x