You're not alone

Friday, January 15, 2010

Friday. Fast. Free.

Ana's Girl, I'm_Sorry_I_Can't_Be_Perfect, thin, Steph, New beginning, and all the other blogs I couldn't post on at this moment know I'm reading!! When I first log on to my account I always check other blogs before reading my comments/writing new posts.

I've been really busy with work, coaching, f-ing boys(not literally), applying for college and trying to stay sane :p

When I was browsing for a thinspo to put up on my post, this one caught my attention immediately. Jimmy Eat World describes how I feel right now:

If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now

If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now

If you love me at all, please don't call

I throw away everything I've written you

Oh anything just keep my mind off of it, thinking how I had you once

oh, I can't forget that

Long story short love hurts. I had a feeling that I would wind up in this situation though. J and I split, a mutual understanding. We still care about each other. P comes home and surprises me by semi dating me. Then after a few week he decides he wants to date around...then MAYBE we can try dating again. So in other words I feel like the 'back up plan'. I am in so much pain, and yet, he doesn't appear to be hurting at all. Why the fuck is it so easy for him? We still see each other but its excruitiating. I just don't know what the hell he is thinking(neither does anyone else).

Before he got home I fully expected jsut to be friends. So I let my gaurd down when we started to re kindled the fire. I'm an idiot. And to make it worse. Lately I've been staying the night at J's. I am so alone and I can't sleep in my apartment by myself. Its not like I'm scared. When my Dad is there the nights he stays I sleep.

Not to worry though ladies!!!!! I'm working on detaching myself from P. Its hard. He was my bestfriend, and I thought he would at least be able to be my Friend. Dissapointment and let downs are what i'm experiencing. Today I just didn't text him, as much as I wanted. I didn't contact him for most of the day. Finally I received a text from him, so maybe it iwll work.

My dad said to me : "It drives boys crazy when they don't hear from you" I don't want to drive him crazy, but I do feel if he is being honest(because he claims he still 'hopes' and has feelings) then he will have to make the effort. Bastard.

Ha ha. Okay END RANT!!!

I'm fasting today. Who is with me? Text/Email me. 801-369-0019 ,

I hope I don't get any creeper stalkers. Stay strong!! Work hard on your goals!! Don't let anyone tell you who you can/can't be. I love you all!!


Ana's Girl said...

Ugh, boys are awful sometimes. I don't even know what to say other than i want to smack them for making you hurt. *hugs* feel better, love.

Mina Belle said...

is that a U.S number?

Stephanie said...

Boys are infuriating. Absolutely maddening. I'm sorry that you have to deal with P, he doesn't deserve you! Things'll get better soon, love, don't worry (:


A_beautiful_mess said...

Firstly I love that song by Jimmy eat world!! It sucks that these guys have this power to make you feel so amazing and invincible and yet capable of making you feel worthless and vulnerable. Hope you feel better xx

Anonymous said...

oooohhhh giiiirl. you are so very right. love does hurt. it hurts to love and it hurts not to. what to do? i guess never give up is the only solution and keep on getting up every time we fall. i wish you luck and hope everything works out for the best.

stay strong!

Anonymous said...

oh i hope you dont get any creeper stalkers too! lol

you should get a twitter! that way you can still use your phone for getting support via tweets, and get them from more than one person too. i have one. it's Eileenstein .

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