b: half a pumpkin chocolate chip homemade muffin
l: chicken apple cashew salad, veggies, corn chips
So dinner at Texas Roadhouse (never thought I'd go here but my friend sold me when she said salmon) didn't scare me. I had one and a half of a small roll. Shared a frozen lemonade with hubby. a few peanuts. And then 1/4 sweet potato and 1/4 of my Salmon.
Well, whilst eating my friend asks me:
Why are you cutting your food so small
great. now all eyes are on me. she knows I have an ED and am struggling. It was so awkward. So effing awkward. Why did she have to say anything? I don't think people should ever comment on how someone eats. I talked to my husband about it last night, and he agreed.
He said one time he was at work, eating a few spoonfuls of ice cream out of the tub. He didn't want to get a bowl, it was his ice cream. Then someone walks in and says "what are you doing oinker? going to eat the whole tub to yourself?" He said
that pissed me off
and I don't even have an eating disorder
Stooopid people. stupid. stupid. stupid.
Workout for the weekend. Stair climber, 30 min. Lazy me
I rented "The Black Swan" and watched part of it during work. Very triggering if you have an ED or suffer a multiple personality. ha. that's me. I don't think I'm bi polar, but when I get sucked into my ED its like I have two people talking to me.
I didn't get to finish all of it before I drove to coach my swim team. On my way there I was kind of having a breakdown. I texted my sister who has recovered from years of bulimia/anorexia etc, and who is also a therapist. We did some guided imagery therapy. I told her that the Center for Change taught me how to cope and blah blah blah. But I never felt like I learned how to deal with the "real problem".
She didn't pressure me to come back anytime soon. She just said
I love you
let me know if you need to come back
It was nice to talk to someone who understands.
I went to the gym just a while ago.
biceps, lower back, shoulders and abs
25 min bike
15 min eliptical
I'm weighing myself in the morning.