Hurt

My heart is hurting.  I thought I gave my heart to one person 3 years ago.  In fact up until about a month ago I was still very much his.  This new boy has made me realize that your heart truly can love more than you think.  I don't know if I 'love' this new boy.  We just barely started spending time together.  He makes me happy, he helped me get out of my zombie self destructive mind.   Isn't that more important?  Being happy?  Being yourself?  Well duh.  Self destruction is a horrible life.  Cutting is only one part of my self destruction.  My ed is a whole other chapter.  I feel so ugly right now, but the new boy must like me anyway so that helps a little. It motivates me to try hard.  What I'm afraid of is the months ahead.  I know i'll be torn between two different people.

Shit.  What was I thinking?