Last night I had soo much fun. I ended up going to a party where I knew I'd be smoking and drinking. It was almost like a test for me. After smoking I'd tell myself that gum, chapstick and water could cure the dry mouth. I didn't want to throw up in front of the boy from over drinking, so that was easy to keep in control. I tell you what though, it is nice to drink on an empty stomach. If I want alcohol to affect me I'd rather have to drink less of it and avoid the calories.
I've almost gone 24 hours without food. Lots of liquids and water though. I'm feeling more in control. I need to keep this up. I can't lose control because thats where I get depressed. I hate myself, I want to hide from the world. I think that everyone is looking at my flaws. So its better this way. I don't mind it. In some sick way I need it. I'm messed up no?