You're not alone

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This is how its going to go down

I need to start blogging again. I don't have very many people to talk to that understand and relate to what I go through. No one understands the absolute devistation I can feel when I look in the morning and see a giant whale staring back.

if i said that to someone who doesn't have an ED they would think i was being dramatic.

So I will be posting here again. I need to. I stepped on the scale today and was disgusted. This is the most i have weighed in my whole life. I hate myself. I am worthless fatty fat fat. I miss everyone on here. I started this blog almost four years ago. I have seen people come and go. Luckily, I have not seen someone on here pass away. They just move on. I am so happy for those that can fight the battle, and move on. It is hard to let go of something that feels safe.

Yes. My ED makes me feel safe. Its a way I have been coping for so long. I try other ways. It just goes on from one addiction to the next. I would rather not mutilate my body(been doing really well on not cutting btw). I would rather not drink alcohol(as it only makes me retain and gain weight). I also would rather not starve myself. But that doesn't seem to have any immediate hurt toward my husband.

So if there is anyone out there that still follows me. Let me know so I can follow you back. Now I must post the embarrassing stats.

Height 5'7
Weight 148
Tomorrows Goal: Intake 1200. Outake 500. Water 8 glasses.


Sar said...

Hey ST, I'm still following you! We can do this! Be strong, girl!

Miranda said...

Sorry you are feeling so badly about yourself. For me this world is something I don't see myself ever leaving behind; unfortunately. Anyways, I'm still here.

Katie Elizabeth said...

I'm still following my dear. I'm glad that you've been doing well at not cutting. That's a great achievement. Stay strong hun.

Stick Thin said...

Thank you lovely ladies! i am so glad I still have some support. I love you guys.

Peridot (G+P) said...


You are NOT worthless or fat! STFU!

Glad to see you back, love.


The Lovely Bones said...

I'm still following. I've missed you, I really hope you're okay. Well done for gaining control over the cutting.
Take care.

Jenn said...

I still follow. I missed you! I've been scarce around here too. I was all gung ho blogging a lot, lost a lot of weight, now I'm not throwing up anymore and that's great but the not great thing is that I've gained back a LOT like almost half of what I lost and it's making me crazy. Thanks for checking in and I hope we see more of you <3

belle_of_the_boulevard said...

Hi I'm still following you. I just recently came back as well though, I don't think I've posted since march and I'm in kind of the same boat as you unfortunately.