You're not alone

Monday, November 26, 2012

I need to set up a reward system. This weeks reward will be going TANNING!! I promote skin cancer, only becasue it get so damn gloomy where I live and I can't stand it.
How did everyones Thanksgiving go? (For those who celebrate American thanksgiving). I am happy to annouce I survived. There are so many things surround this time of year that trigger major anxiety and depression. As I explained to my therapist:
  • Having an ED around such a Food Filled event sucks. I remember some thanksgivings where I would b/p all day. All Fucking day. I hate the obssesion surrounding this damn holiday. I hate the "black friday" bull shit(no offense to anyone that loves black friday. this is just me). There are crowds, traffic, pissy people, ultra happy people. All of it.
  • Family: My family sucks most of the time. Mainly: Father. Brother #2, Sis in law, and other sister. Plus all of the little nieces and nephews, whom i adore, but not when they are all together at once. My family likes to cope by being silly. and annoying. Ugh you are 30 years old! Stop playing around at the dinner table. Right?
  • This time last year: This time last year I had suspicions that I was pregnant. I remember last TG I was talking to my Mom, my sisters, everyone that has ever been pregnant, trying to figure out why my boobs were so sore. Why I was so tired and moody. I found out I was pregnant I think around today or tomorrow last year. From that point on until we told everyone it was exciting. Scary, but exciting. We had fun surprising the family. His family was so excited for a grandchild. I was scared shitless, but I was happy.
So you see why I hate this time of year. Especially Thanksgiving.

GOOD NEWS!! Is that I was so anxious during TG that i barely ate anything. I ate a lot of good stuff in good porportions, and hardly any dessert. Although I did snack a lot the following days, the point is, I am pleased with myself. I didn't have to pig out. I didn't feel the need to purge(ok maybe once). I am proud of myself.

I finally got the balls to step on the scale and that is what led me to 'reawaken' in blogsphere. I am embarrased. 147. For real? I used to be disgusted when i was 137. Where have my standards and self respect gone? Haha. For those who want to tell me "its not that bad", please refrain. You can tell me that when I start bitching about being 130. Okay?

I have been doing well today. I am staying on target. Except I haven't had enough water. Water is so important. So so so so important. Hey! For anyone interested in viewing my hair blog its Innovative Hair and Style

Good news. In the time it took me to actually post this I have dranken 8+ cups of water! I also worked out for 55 min. Stats
In: 1084
Out: 835
Net: 249
Good night. Sleep well. I'm ready for tomorrow.



désespérée de maigrir said...

I wish you didn't feel the need to come back, but welcome! Sounds like you did a great job managing Thanksgiving.

You have been through so much in the past year, you're incredibly strong and brave. I hope you come to see that soon...

That Girl said...

I'm doing the tanning as a reward also :D I need to be tanned and sexy!

You commented on my blos that I easily could loose 7 kg by the 27 December and that we are same weight. I don't know if you meant it or just aren't aware of my CW. I weigh about 61,5 now, so I only have to lose like 3-4 kg before 27 December :) I was 66,5 when I started but not anymore :)
Sorry if I sound grumpy. I'm not :)
Hope you are doing well :)
Xoxo Jo

Peridot (G+P) said...

I have nothing against tanning. Dad goes to sunbeds in winter because
1) he's a pale-as-milk ginger
2) we have a massive fucking ozone hole over us
So losing what little protective tan he has in winter could potentially be deadly come summertime.

Woooo melanoma -.-

We don't have Thanksgiving here. For which I'm incredibly thankful :p

Black friday terrifies me. Seeing all those people screaming and shoving is like a vision of the end of the world.

*Massive hugs*

Congratulations on beating the b/p cycle of TG. WIN!

Love you heaps <3