You're not alone

Monday, November 1, 2010

I don't wanna

Me: I don't want to do inpatient
P: don't worry. You'll be fine
Me: I don't want it
P: we need this for us

A few hours later
M: I'm not going to do inpatient
P: really. Why not?
M: I don't need it
P: call me
M: not right now
P: the hell not right now
M: exactly
P: you lie to me

I lie. I am a liar? Enjoy some pics

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


MyNameIsMellon said...

If you go in with an open mind and the idea that you actually want your life back and that living is more important than being thin, treatment will work. Since you asked, I'm not going to sugar coat anything. It will be hard as hell. The inpatient place that I went to had a breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus optional (or mandatory, depending on your weight and physical needs)snacks twice a day. Treatment can be very helpful if you go in with the mindset that you want to recover FOR YOU. If you do it for anyone else IT WILL NOT WORK. Also, take into consideration that you will be there with girls who are all struggling with the same issues as you. Therefore, don't be surprised if the community is a mix of support and competition. DO NOT allow yourself to be sucked into the competition! You are there to GET BETTER. NOT to compete~ It will be hard, because it SHOULD be hard. Its not a vacation, its RECOVERY. You are there to challenge your views of all things that you know as "safe" and "right". You SHOULD be doing things you normally wouldn't and couldn't do because the goal is TO TAKE YOU LIFE BACK!

If you're going in inpatient, just surrender yourself to it for this short time. Remember, your eating disorder will always be there for you to fall back on. Think of this as an experiment. Note everything you see, hear, and feel there. Make sure you take a journal and some silly putty (good de-stresser, trust me).

First couple of days you might hate it there (in fact you probably will) because you are surrendering control, which is obviously hard for us. It will be easiest for you if you try your best to trust the center you're going to and your treatment team. Remember: THEY ARE NOT THERE TO MAKE YOU FAT! THEY ARE THERE TO HELP YOU AND MAKE YOU HEALTHY!

If you have any questions or need any advice or just want to talk, post a comment or message me at

Good Luck, sweetie. All the best. <3 <3 <3

MyNameIsMellon said...

Just in case you are not aware(as some of us genuinely aren't) or not sure , you ARE sick. This illness WILL kill you. If you continue down this road it WILL steal your life and everything good in it (it doesn't just take a toll on your health, but on your friends and family as well).
Recovery IS hard. Recovery IS worth it. Recovery WILL NOT happen overnight.