You're not alone

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Unexpected turn

I don't feel 'betrayed' by my therapist. I guess I just thought she'd be more understanding. When I explained what happened at the treatment center she kind of lectured me. Things like:

"women sacrifice a lot more than you are having to in order to get help"
"if not now, when? Wait for a relapse?"
"you are talking yourself out of it"
"if you choose not to go, admit that its because you are scared, not because they can't help you"
"it is tiring for you to go on for years to obsess about it"

I wasn't saying I didn't think they were competent. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was 'helpless'

So yesterday we came to the conclusion that it is ultimately my choice. But I also got the vibe that I need to stop using Coaching as my excuse. I am on a High right now. Meaning, I am not ultra thin, I'm eating farily well, and exercising in a healthy way.

But how long will that last? I don't know. She thinks if I go in, I won't relapse again. She thinks if I go in, I need to stick it out. I'm so pissed because I think she is right. FFFFFFF

*I just sent a text to the lady I head coach with saying "I am having a hard time deciding with this treatment, they might want me longer than 3 weeks, maybe 5 until I could come back to coaching. I want to know your thought on that.

A: Is there any way you could do it after the swim season? If not we'd just have to work it out."

Ok. So. I hate my life at the moment. This is such a hard decision. But when I take a step back, it SHOULDN'T be. 3-5 weeks, miss most of the season VS a life time of freedom.

Sigh. What a world what a world.


Lolababy said...

That's crap, surely their place is to help and guide you and not lecture you. It sounds like an awkward situation to be in, hope it all turns out okay for you xx

zette said...

i'm sorry she misunderstood you&then babbled about it. that's a frustrating feeling i know. hang in there, darling.

*Broken* said...

You should take the time off and go to treatmeant, if this will help you, you should do everything to get it. There´s nothing more important that you beeing ok

Mich said...

It's a tough decision. One of the toughest you'll have to make, probably. But you're clearly considering all your options and the possible consequences of those options, so that's an excellent start. In the end, only you'll know what's best for you. :-* I hope everything works out.

désespérée de maigrir said...

The therapist sounds like she doesn't have a great attitude. I know they are there to help you, but comparing you to other people isn't really very considerate. The treatment will probably be really good for you... missing a bit (or all) of the season vs. getting your life back - I'd choose the latter.