You're not alone

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Good day

P after putting a red streak in his hair

I also put a little purple in the front, but it's hard to see

P under the dryer, he said it smelled like old ladies

I am strong and cam fight things on my own. I haven't been giving myself enough credit. I have come a long way the past two years. From ultra needy, can't finish things, must have someone to cry to, drugs, alcohol, cutting, hiding and lying, to name a few.

To: motivated, cry and move forward, sober, honest, lovable, more happy days than sad, can stand my ground.

I still hide sometimes. I don't quite have everything I used to have. But if I can change some of the most horrible things I was doing, I can continue striving for the positive things I want.

I swam 2 miles today! I had a really good workout. I haven't done a swim workout in....maybe 2 years. Back then I was doing junk and didn't have the stamina

Today I was pleasantly surprised to find I could still kick butt. And my lungs are back :)

Today I made my decision, and I told P exactly this:

1 I will try and go to the treatment center tomorrow, get a tour and get my questions answered. I will also tell them i am disappointed with them but trying to not have a bad attitude

2 I will have the therapy session next week with him, me and the therapist. I will hope it helps or affects my attitude. I also hope it will help you be prepared to know how to start coping or knowing what to do when I have harder days.

3 I will comply to be admitted on Monday, November 15, 10:30 am.

4 if my attitude doesn't change within 5 days I will leave. I do not want to waste peoples time and money

5 I will be done with therapy sessions. I am finished with analyzing and dissecting my life. It helped for the past few months bit is no longer having positive effects

6 I truly believe I can handle this on my own. It won't always be easy but I will get there


hezza said...

I believe in you.

Anonymous said...

Good for you to have a plan. It means you are on your way to where you want to be. Good luck with all your plans and know you have people supporting your decisions.

désespérée de maigrir said...

Love the red streak!

I'm glad you are being so open minded about the treatment plan. You can do it.

You and P are going to live a long, happy, healthy live together :)

Sar said...

Good luck my dear :)

You have such a beautiful personality, you can do it!! Be strong!


Anonymous said...

sounds like you really have come a long way. That is great. This positive attitude will help you get through the tough times. Doesn't it feel good to sort of have a plan of action in place??

Anonymous said...

Best of luck! Glad to see you are doing so much better :)

Keep going!

Kamikazzi_Massacre said...

I am personally inspired by your courage trying to change is one the hardest things to do. I have been a cutter myself for the last 7 years and some of my scars will never go away. Inpatient treatment is hard and scary but it ultimately has saved me a few times, I hope you've found the right place and can attempt to move forward :)