You're not alone

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Thanks for making my Day

For all of you who commented on my last post(and to those who didn't, I know there are many who read) THANKS! I really had a boost in spirits when I got on blogger today.

Plan: Fast tomorrow.

Camping went..shitty. Ha ha. My period started the night we got there(which took longer than it should have because P and I got lost. He he.) It was horrible! I swear. The One period out of the whole year that I actually get physical symptoms(cramps) had to happen on this trip!!

and I ate a ton of crap because I felt like crap. I'm such a lame-o

Not to fret!! The day we returned(last thursday) I got a little more on track. In fact I didn't really have anything to eat at my house, so I ate when P offered me food. My weekend was....

frustrating.

I had to scold P a few times because he was being..spacey. Yes. Spacey. I was getting upset about things and he actually understood and felt bad. I'm not the type of person who tries and create drama, or over reacts. I can admit when I'm wrong, but in this case, I needed him to see that it wasn't my fault. I love him.

I saw my Ex last week. It caused a major mood swing. He was so depressing. I sat there talking to him and just thought "why am I here? he has nothing positive to say". And then a few hours after I felt vunerable, attacked.

Long story short. He wanted me to meet with him face to face and tell me why exactly we couldn't talk to each other anymore. I refused to even talk to him on the phone. I sent him an email. He pissed me off. I hate myself. He makes me think about the person I hated to be.

i'm doing better now. I think.

I went to the Gym yesterday!! Felt so good. Actually i feel really sore now, but if I wasn't such a lazy butt(fat butt) then I wouldn't be!

Other good news: I started a new job today(well its a second job) at a Salon!! I went in for an hour and worked on a manequin head. I have my own designated station already. I didn't even know if I wanted to work here, but I thought, might as well give it a shot. Its so messy in the back. Once I start working as a real stylist I'm going to clean it up for my new boss. She is so gorgeous, and she is a nutritional science major! I love healthy people!!!!!

I don't have much else to say, but I'm going to make a second post later tonight. It will be an excerpt from the journal my therapist suggested I start writing. I have been transfering the entries I made while I was on my trip into the journal. some of the words were very...interesting. Is that weird? A few weeks ago I was very consumed by Ana, and trying to figure out my anoretic self.

The past few days I feel very care free and happy. P told me it was contageous. I want to keep it up!

5 comments:

Lyndee said...

I'm so happy that you got a new job and your feeling so carefree. I know I had an off track weekend also. And cramps blow!!! Good luck on your fast tomorrow!
stAy stroNg!
xoxo lyndee

Be Kind For Everyone You Know Is Fighting A Battle said...

i love all the photos of you and those children! i just came across your blog tonight! your beautiful! stayy stronggg!! and i was reading some older posts lol you text your therapist? me tooo lol :)

Spacecadet18 said...

I'm thrilled to have you back. You seem to be on such good track! Meh, the dreaded period... Always throws me, and I can never predict when it'll plague me so I never have time to get rid of all the chocolate and peanut butter in my possession. Love you lots. I'll fast with you tomorrow. You've got support. Love you tons! Best of luck with the new job. Sounds like a real opportunity.
~Maria

Ana's Girl said...

Carefree and happy?! Yay! Do you know how happy that makes me? I love to hear that you're doing well.

Eva said...

Happpyyyyyy!!! Yay!! Camping yay!

I know, Google Reader recommendations...crazy right?

I guess that calls for a Congrats!

Great photos too. What are you planning to fast on, by the way?
xxxooo Eva