You're not alone

Monday, May 3, 2010

It takes a strong person to admit they need help

This is a happy post, but I just need to get a little rant out:

I don't approve of people gloating in their happiness. Its great if you can find happiness, and even mention it to others. But there is a fine line between being grateful, and then just being "Hey Look At Me! Oh my goodness I am so happy. I'm sorry you aren't as happy as me" Its called showing humility.

So anyway. I had a pretty good day. I'm getting a little bit better and my mood is improving because of that :) P came over today and we watched discovery channel, cuddled, and played match maker with my new roomie and his band member.

Tonight we went out to his car to make out. He he i love making out but pretty much we want to make love. I practice abstinence before marriage... geh. He had made a few comments about my body.

"you looked good when I came back, and you look healthier now. But I fell in love with you when you weighed whatever you weighed 4 years ago. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you were sexier back then"

Before you blast the man I love, keep in mind, he is a man.

We grew closer together tonight, simply because I was very open with my eating disorder. I am amazed at how he handles the issues at hand. I love him dearly because he reminds me of what is important. I don't want to gain weight, I don't want to hate myself, I don't want to purge ( even though I nearly did last night out of old habit).

I want control, but I don't want to die. I feel like Ana is sometimes a demon inside me, telling me what to do. I don't like to say that, but its true.

So what am I going to do? Do I half-ass try? Because even if I'm not underweight, under-eating is bad for the body. The long term effects are dangerous. Do i get help? Talk to someone, like he suggested?

I'm just happy to have him again.

Date taken: 4/3

7 comments:

Charr. said...

You guys are so cute! And you, missy, yourself are super pretty :)

I think you should get help...if the people around you who love you are suggesting it, they probably know better than we [followers] might. I just want you to be healthy & happy, kay? :]
xoxo

Weasel Bee said...

i agree, with the happiness thing. i love happy people, but not when they're like "OH LOOK AT ME IN ALL MY HAPPY GLORY, WHEEE I GREATLY ENJOY LIFE, HA YOU AND YOUR MISERY MAKES ME LAUGH let's go to disneyland!"

i don't know how much you weighed 4 years ago. was it more or less than currently? in your pictures you are sooo tiny already. i'm pretty sure you've achieved the perfect amount of thin, before it gets scary thin.

even if you don't talk to someone, it's obvious talking to P is a help towards you against ana. he sounds wonderful for you.

Fed Up said...

I know what you mean about the whole undereating thing. I sometimes worry about that too. You don't have to be a walking skeleton to be doing harm to your body. It really is something to consider. We want to live long happy lives with the men we love.

Sofie said...

Abstinence is difficult girl .. but it pays off. I dated my husband for about 4 years before we got married, but it was WORTH IT :)

With the eating thing .. do what you feel comfortable with. Sometimes you have to step OUT of your comfort zone to find a higher level of appreciation (and therefore comfort) for your body. Do it for you, not because someone tells you to.
If you do it for someone else & not like the result of change, you might resent them. You will find the right time & the right resource.

xx

Sottile said...

I'm so happy to read this happy post! You two look so cute together :) It's nice to have a person who will support you no matter what.

OhMyGosh said...

It's really a double edged sword. I want help, too, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

But if you're ready to, but all means, DO IT. It was like with my drug addiction... I had to be ready before I could get help.

And VERY cute pic:)

Matilda Bonnet said...

You guys look so cute! :D You're such a pretty girl. And i'm happy you've decided to make a change. Changes, positive ones, are always good. I think it's so cool to have someone who fully supports you and loves you no matter what. I'm so happy you're happy. :D