You're not alone

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

This one will be a downer

I see people moving on in life. And I try for the most part. But there is still a part of me that is holding on to the past.
I go to therapy and ask "what do I need to do to change?" I have been putting a bandaid on my issues without truly fixing the injury.
I haven't completely wasted my time. I have a license to do hair. I have put two years of a degree behind me. I am married. I have a good job that will be giving me a lot of experience.
I just hate waiting. I wish P was done with school. I want to get out of Utah. I need to get away from my family. They cause me so much emotional pain and stress.

I also hate waiting to lose weight. I hate myself right now. I hate my body. I think I am so fat. I feel all y fat jiggle. I am worthless


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Sar said...

Noo you're not worthless and you're not fat!!! You are GORGEOUSLY AWESOME with musical and writing talent! Try to stay positive my dear!

I also lack patience! Some worthwhile things in life just take awhile I suppose...but we are in this together! I can envision a happy and successful future for us both! Success as defined by us :)

Stay strong during these tough times, you can do it! ~sending good vibes your way~ xo

Katie Elizabeth said...

I know how you feel. At least you have your license to do hair. I was 3 months from graduating cosmetology school when I dropped out. I feel like a failure. You have great things ahead of you and you can do anything you set your mind to. Stay strong dear.

Miranda said...

you're not worthless! you have done something with your life. You went to school, you have a steady job and a good marriage. There are a lot of people that have not done that and want to. It is hard to be patient but it will be worth the wait.

Peridot (G+P) said...

Waiting fucking BLOWS, but as our customers at work should remember patience is the only virtue that gets you anything. (But you don't have to enjoy the exercise of it, only martyrs can do that!)

No you have not wasted time! You have done so much more in 2 years than most people do in three times as long! Fuck, Mum never finished her hairdressing course, and neither did Lia! I have envy of your skills.

YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. You being worthless is like dividing by zero: FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE.

When you get away from the fam-bam you can start working on what is under the bandaid, or you could use the rest of the waiting time to do that. I don't know what you would prefer, it's fucking hard and nasty work.

Love you so much ST and I think you're freakin' AWESOME and I love you to bits.