You're not alone

Thursday, June 9, 2016

I Had Another Therapy Appointment

Yay for Therapy. It's sad that I have to pay $$ to feel validated. JUST KIDDING (mostly). 

I think therapy is a very useful thing and I think more people she get it!

I'm actually doing a lot better after yesterday's session

Last week all the emotions came. I did a lot of different ways to process. I was able to discuss things with him, and I'm not feeling as anxious. 

Next Step: Confrontation

And that is the hardest part of this all. My therapist was a little worried that confronting her would be too stressful for my pregnancy. But I think not confronting her would cause even more stress. It needs to happen and my goal is for it to happen in the next two weeks. 

He said I could do it over the phone. Which instantly made me perk up. I really don't feel comfortable doing it in person. I have a hard time seeing her photos pop up on my social media. 

Plus, it's not like I hurt her and am trying to make amends. She hurt me, and I should be able to do it in a less personal way–since I'm the effect of the cause. 

I will have question 

I tried this whole week not to focus on the "why," but I think there are a few things. Like how could you think this was okay, knowing the effects abuse had on you? Did you know you were jump starting my sexuality without my permission? Why same sex abuse? 

Things she needs to know

It was not okay. It jump started my sexuality and has affected that as I've grown. It has made me question my sexual attraction. It has made intimacy with my husband hard a times, that is completely unfair. It affects my relationship with her at this time, and I need a lot of space to let this process. 

Gosh. This is going to be hard. 

1 comment:

Bella said...

Sending hugs... I can imagine how daunting the confrontation must be. I think you're a very strong person to want to go through with it. I've had to sweep the possibility of confrontation under the rug for my family's sake.

One thing I've heard time and time again, is that a lot of abusers (especially so young) have probably had the same done to them. How else do they get the idea to do such things? This is one I have a hard time coming to terms with - that my abuser may've been abused themselves. It's absolutely no excuse, but it's hurt people who hurt people.

Take care as best you can <3