I had a comment on my last post from Bella about how usually abuse from young adults to children often occurs because it happens to them first. This is very true with my family. Unfortunately there is horrific, deep seeded abuse both internally and externally in my family. Most of it occurred on my father's side. My grandfather was a pedophile. I don't know how many children he abused, or where the abuse started before him. And when I say horrific, I mean it. I don't know all the details but I know some of my siblings were given drugs while men would come over and rape them. Almost as if they were child prostitutes.
THANK GOD I did not have this happen to me.
So yes, there is the intellectual and systematic reason for why my sister decided to abuse me. And for that reason I have minimized the facts my whole life. But it needed to be called what it was. It was not just "acting out." She was a perpetrator that consciously decided to take advantage of another person.
The Confrontation Itself
Went well. It was anticlimactic but I did get an apology and she accepted responsibility. I understand why it was same sex now–she was abused by an older female cousin.
After I said what I needed to say and she accepted responsibility she said she could explain more about her abuse, and I told her I didn't really care to know at this time.
I told her I didn't want to talk about it further, I don't need to continue the conversation.
I told her if she felt like she needed to do further processing we could discuss it then.
I Still Want Control
For some reason I thought if I did this I would no longer want to be starving myself and controlling my food. But it is not the case.
Part of me knew this would not be the case.
I will do a follow up appointment with my therapist to process the confrontation and explore the control issue. I think being pregnant is definitely a contributing factor to where my head is currently at.