Long Day at work but its friday

First off - thanks for all your lovely comments. I warned you that it would be a downer, and I need to mope that day.

Holiday season is hard. I wish I could split myself into 10 people to go to all the parties, receptions, movies, work, etc. I am happy though because P is finished with his finals. We have a busy few weeks, but at least he is stress free.

Sad news - NOT going to LA after christmas. I was really looking forward to it, but his parents can't go anymore. And we also have had a bit of bad luck with car repairs. So WORK WORK WORK is the new agenda. I would love to take the weekend after Christmas and go some where warm, but maybe i will just have to settle for lots of tanning :) 
Besides, we will be going to VA in the middle of January. I am so excited.

I see my body slimming. P notices it more and more. I am not really doing a ton of restricting. But, i was eating a TON from Sep-mid Nov. Like fast food every fucking meal. I am content with myself for not over indulging anymore.

My next step is to figure out a schedule where I can get a consistent exercise routine. i was doing well for 2 weeks, then the period happened(mine suck so bad right now because of my IUD). I also just get so burnt out with work. So tired all the time.

I am not allowing myself alcohol until I reach 135. I don't know my current weight. I am too scared to look. My eating habits will change drastically come january.

I hate New years resolutions. I am not calling it that, because thats not what they are to me. I just know that the last few weeks of this year will be relaxing, and worry free. I drink way too much Diet Coke. I don't exercise like i want.

And even though I am going to make changes in Jan, I have already started.

My brain hurts. Having one car sucks. Hope P gets home soon.

Love you all!

This one will be a downer

I see people moving on in life. And I try for the most part. But there is still a part of me that is holding on to the past.
I go to therapy and ask "what do I need to do to change?" I have been putting a bandaid on my issues without truly fixing the injury.
I haven't completely wasted my time. I have a license to do hair. I have put two years of a degree behind me. I am married. I have a good job that will be giving me a lot of experience.
I just hate waiting. I wish P was done with school. I want to get out of Utah. I need to get away from my family. They cause me so much emotional pain and stress.

I also hate waiting to lose weight. I hate myself right now. I hate my body. I think I am so fat. I feel all y fat jiggle. I am worthless

Goodnight.


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Muscle weighs more than fat

I got down to 145.2. And then have remained 146.8 the past 4 days. I think it's because I worked out M-Th every night. And I have been working on building those muscles.
Friday - I purged. I was doing fine until I got to my office mid day. There were a ton of sweets. And it's not like i ate a ton. I was just frustrated with myself of falling in to the habit of mindless eating. So I purged the sweets. I allowed myself to keep the healthy homemade sandwich I made.
Friday night things went south - not with food - but I decided to drink. My husband doesn't drink. So I drank a good amount quickly. We were supposed to go shopping. But I got sick. And I couldn't tell him why. So no Gym for me that night.
Saturday I was ok with intake. I was hungover and didn't workout, but I did hair for 4 hours and that is tiring. I ALSO played a show! I had so much fun! I did eat out and drink some non diet soda but its ok.
Today has been well. Just finished a cottage cheese, tomato, and cucumber snack. Gotta go do some more hair.

Love ya bitches