You're not alone

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How the hell

How in the hell am I supposed to connect with anyone these days? My younger sister has started using Herba Life supplements and shakes. Every other fucking day is a post of how she has lost weight, progress pics, blah blah blah. She has gotten my other two sisters to join her. I am not raining on their wellness parade. (Well maybe I am a little). It's just like, agghhhghhhhhhhh Shut up. Please.






She invite me to her "shake" party.
Me: sorry that stuff is way to triggering for my eating disorder.

Two weeks later my other sister invites me.

I gave the same response.

I just am so triggered. I am already teetering on relapse mode. When I see the obsession and constant focus from them, it makes me want to puke. It also makes me think
why am I not trying to lose weight? I should be trying to lose weight. I should be only eating once a day and drinking shakes like they do

You get bet that I get the worst anxiety just thinking of what we would talk about if we got together " weight loss. Weight loss weight loss weight loss."

I love them. But I can't be around them right now. I just can't. I am happy they are achieving what they want. I truly am.

But I have to set boundaries. And I wish I didn't

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2 comments:

Emily Carter said...

You gotta focus on you. They love you and I am sure they will understand. Do what's best for you!!!!

Good Luck,
Emily

Peridot (G+P) said...

Your health and sanity are so much much more fucking important than they can even guess.

If they can't even TRY to understand it, they can go fuck themselves.

Seriously, I would block updates from her if they're triggering you badly or start posting recovery/recovery struggle updates in retaliation.

Point out that for you this is quite literally a matter of life and death, and you joining in would be a race to see who gets NG-Tubed first -.- So not cool!

A ton of love to you <3