There is something in my brain that gets switched on. The worst but easiest example of what I am talking about is:
I am eating a cookie. I eat two. I don't want to eat anymore. But I have 3. The idea comes in that maybe I can purge.
And then I want another. I can just purge in 10 min
Soon I have had five. I have already decided I am going to purge. It turns into an over powering, physical and mental NEED.
It is scary that a switch like that lives inside me
That is the disturbing part of an eating disorder that is hard for people to understand.
I could call my husband when these urges happen. But in those moments they are more than urges. The decision has already been made.
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