Modeling

On thursday I'm going to an open cast bikini shoot thing.  I'm scared.  I'm expecting to get rejected, but its my own fault.  I'm doing a body wrap tomorrow morning, after I workout.  Even if it just removes water weight  I CAN"T eat anything until after my meeting thursday night.  If only I had more time.  Sigh.  

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve love.  I don't deserve anything because of what I put myself through.  I lose hope.  I want to give up.  What keeps me going?  Sometimes I don't even know.  Today I hate myself. Tomorrow I'll try and like myself..even a little.

I just have to tell myself "Chin up.  Keep breathing. It will all work out in the end"

<3