Themed thinspo

I first want to ask my followers what kind of thinspo they'd like to see. My goal is to post lots of thinspo more often. In the past i've done gothic, halloween, legs, hip bones, shoulders..yadda yadda. So please! Tell me what YOU want to see.

I wasn't planning on posting tonight but i couldn't wait! I'll post in the morning again about some things on my mind. But for now:

Intake: Water
Candy cane 80(low blood sugar)
Soy mocha 180 at most (horribly mixed so all the sweet stuff was at the bottom BUT i didn't finish it)
3/4 of a bean(no cheese) burrito ?????
Hershey kiss: 35
Total: 295 + ????
Since i've been doing mostly liquids the past few days that burrito felt like a binge, but j helped me eat it. I'm sure i ate less thab 3/4. I just hate not knowing how much calories, including that partial mocha. Oh well. I decided i have to allow myself higher cal days, and sweets now and then(i argued with myself the whole way home wether or not i should buy more sweets, the skinny me stayed strong)

AND NOW THE REASON I COULDN'T WAIT TO POST:
WEIGHT: 119.4 LBS , 54.15 KG, 8 st 7

I couldn't believe it. I'm most likely fasting again tomorrow, but i'll post more tomorrow. Love you all!!!

staying Focused

The pictures above were me around my lowest weight. I loved my arms back then. It frustrates the hell out of me because my arms take FOREVER to slim down/tone up. Ah well. All in due time. These pictures keep me motivated. I know I've been there once. I can get there again.

And I'm on my way there already

So yesterday I went to the gym as I said I would.

I did 30 minutes of weights

Triceps, biceps

lower back, obliques

circuit, no stopping

I still can't do cardio because of my ankle

but I'm going to keep going to the gym/ doing stuff at home

J and I had a really bonding night last night. I made us some veggie tofu stirfry, i ate about 3 bites before feeling full(which blew my mind) We almost made love, but I was too scared. I'm not ready, I know it. I felt sick to the stomach. My throat was all gross. I went to the bathroom and purged a little to get the gunk out. Then we were outside and I said I'm a horrible girlfriend.

"Whats worse than being a horrible girlfriend, which you aren't, is you putting yourself down"

"I want to throw up"

"Want or need?"

"Want. I feel so gross, my stomach hurts"

"Will you eat after?"

"No I don't want more food"

"Then I'm not going to let you"

"It hurts"I started rocking back and forth.

"Well do what you gotta do. Doesn't make me happy, but if it makes you feel better I'm not going to stop you"

I walked into the bathroom, turned on the sink and spit up more gunk, a little bit of the 3 bites of stir fry. I did feel better. Then we watched some episodes of the show "Its always sunny in Philadelphia(so funny)" He knew I was upset and he wasn't going to let me hide my head this time.

"Why would you say you are a bad girlfriend?"

"I feel like I disapoint you"

"How? With sex"

Shake my head yes. He forces me to face him, lifts my chin up.

"You are worrying about it too much. I think you have formed what you believe to be my expectations for us. Sweety, I don't need to have sex with you to know I love you. If you want to tone things back okay, if you want to go further, okay. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do"

I wanted to cry.

"What else?"

"I'm sorry I put myself down"

"I am sorry that you don't see yourself as I see you. You are beautiful, gorgeous. I can see and feel your hipbones, and your rib cage. and well, your breasts are nice as always"

"I just feel so insecure next to you."

"you're beautiful"

"i'm sorry i threw up here"

"? as opposed to throwing up at your house? I just don't want you to keep it up. I just worry because you said you were throwing up a lot last week. Just be careful baby."

"I won't keep it up. I've been doing a lot better"

He. Is. Wow. The most understanding person in the whole world.

Today I'll be fasting again. Although veggie/tofu stir fry is a pretty low cal dinner. I mean for real. When I do decide to eat again and not feel like throwing it up, I'll probably eat that.

I won't know my weight until friday but I def look thinner. My stomach is flatter.

I feel pretty sick though. My throat is all gunked up. Bleh. I'll take some get well pills. Unfortunately I must go for now. I love you all. Thanks for being a support. 27 more followers and i'll post an updated photo of me

and by then I'll be under 120

re touch

I'm getting my tattoo retouched tomorrow night! Its going to look so clean, and dark. Finally. I want another one soooo bad. I'm thinking of doing a couple UV tattoos.

I'm at J's apartment. I have a migraine. I took the perscribed med, worked for a couple hours. I can't take anymore for another 3 hours. I would sleep, but i can't. So I'm stuck at dealing with it as best as possible.

Enough of complaining.

I have been so malnourished lately. I almost considered eating meat today. I have been getting plenty of carbohydrates, grains, and decent protein(rice, beans, peanut butter). I haven't been getting much fruit or veggies.

Plan

Sunday: Cleanse

Monday: Cleanse

Tuesday: Fruits, I'm cravin Fuji apples

Workout

Sunday: calisthetics

Monday: Cardio 1.5-2 hours

Tuedsay: Arms 30 min, abs 20, cardio 1.5-2

I think my legs are retaining water. I was was up 3.5 pounds, over night. Um...yeah. Definite water retention. I think its to do with the car accident, and then I might have over worked myself friday at the gym.

I started a new blog Imaginative Writing, It will be for my poems, short stories, etc. Feel free to check it out, give input.

MJ

Day 6

Week plan: 200
300
400
100
Fast
150
200

Current Weight: 125.8!

Today: Chai latte 70 cal
diet Soda with flavor shots... 30?

Yesterday was a little mess up, but not a complete failure. I ate more than 100 cals as I planned, but I just switched it around a bit. I'm very determined to not lose control. I think its been easier to have my control now that I'm starting to get my weight back down. I think about eating one thing and in the end I know it won't really satisfy anything. So I'm stronger.

Saturday was so stupid. I hadn't really eaten all day and I went to hang out with my brother and his girlfriend. We were going to drink a little so I told myself only one and a half glasses of wine at most, which I did. I also allowed myself an apple and some butterfree popcorn. But what was really annoying was my brother(and mostly his girlfriend) offerring me food over and over and over again. I wanted to be very serious and say "Ok look. I said no. So stop asking becuase the more you ask the less I'm going to want to even be around you." But I stayed strong.

Yesterday I ate around 500 cal. I think what triggered it was the alcohol from the night before, and finally being sober from the peace(i think I was stoned from friday night until sunday evening). I did go on a walk though! 2-3 miles. It felt good to be moving. I was so happy to get on the scale today! 125.8. Its been a while.

Stay strong everyone. You have the control.

Oh Geeze. I'm sorry ladies :p

I've been reading too many books the past little bit. I sort of turned my last post into a mini novel :s. I'm doing SOOO much better. I stepped on the scale today. 127.4?!?!?!? I know its true because i weighed myself over and over and over again. Ha ha. I won't feel like i'm safe until I get under 125. 127 is too close to 130.

J left yesterday to come home, but last night he texted me saying he wasn't going to make it the rest of the way home due to rain. I called him and found out he had fallen asleep on his motorbike on the freeway! I was so pissed/scared/happy/shocked. I wanted to kick him. We had a long conversation last night about 'us'. I don't know what will happen but I do know things will take time.

So what say you to staying hungry today? Isn't it a great feeling? To me its knowing that I'm on the right track.

Thanks everyone for being here for me

xoxo