Wishing Today was Tomorrow :)

How can you not love agy? freak. I love love love love love her


Firstly: Comments for some blogs that I can't post on:

Ana's girl: I started to smoke when I got down to a low weight. In my mind it was to kill my appetite. It worked for a little bit. But also made it hard for me to exercise. My energy levels also decreased quite a bit. If you have an addictive personality..just be careful k? Smoking really is bad for you, and my guess is you are trying to use it for weightloss? It doesn't cure your self control, you have to find it yourself. I just want you to be healthy :) I'm proud to say I've quit for good! I feel so much better.

Lyndee. I love you girl. I don't know if you'll still read my blog. Stay strong with what your current goals are. Don't forget I'm here for ya!

Thinspo For tomorrow will be....Dance!! I've already started lookin up pics. I hope all likey

I'm not sleeping very well and I'm definitely not cute. I didn't go to bed last night because I was texting some pretty racy things with J while he was at work. I knew that the following was going to happen when I picked him up and drove him to his house:

J and I kind of made out this morning. big time. it was kind of a final goodbye, ending that physical relationship. You know how break ups feel, and those emotions you carry. I thought I would feel guilty a little, but I don't. P isn't my boyfriend. I am no one's girl. And from this point forward J and I will be friends only.

BUT speaking of P :). We are going on our first official date since he's been back :)

He is so sweet.

Today I sent him a text about how I was having a minor anxiety attack(more like caffeine overload mixed with adderol because I really haven't gone to bed. i took an hour nap with J this morning)

He called me up shortly after.

"Ms. Mindy, how can I spoil you?"

I told him about a dream I had a few nights ago.

We had our 3rd first kiss(1st kiss, broke up for 2 months, 2nd first kiss, left for two years...now i'm just hoping for a third first kiss....hehe)

It felt so real, and breath taking

I am really realizing how much I do care and love him.

I know you all might think i'm a whore. J was a wonderful boyfriend, and I still have feelings for him(obviously, holy moly was that a heated make out session). But in the long run I know that we don't want the same things. So there is no point in getting deeply attached, living part of our lives together and discovering what we knew wouldn't work all along.

So yup i'll post dance thinspo tomorrow. I'll let you know how our date goes thursday. Thanks for your support and comments. Stay strong. Never give up on yourself, and never forget you are worth more than the stars, you just have to try and convince yourself of that!!!

also: I'll be taking those pics down soon. probably not the legs one. but yup yup

yay nay

this is a headshot I took yesterday for my agency so they could have a current look

My nephew took the photo as I was getting P his favorite spicy chicken

I will be fixing up his bushman brows, i don't like this pic of me

below: My legs!!! I'm slowly getting there.

I'm floating above and beyond what I ever knew i was capable of, and it scares me.

Yesterday was crazy!! I waited all day to get ready to drive up to the airport to pick up my best friend. I don't know if any of you know about/ are mormon. But P has been serving a mission in africa for two years. Anyway i'm trying to calm my nerves 4 hours until his arrival. I receive a call on my phone. It was P's dad, or so i thought. It took me 30 seconds to realize I was takling to P! Nerves, butterflies, naseua. The works. His flight was delayed a couple hours. You are probably confused as to who P is...let me go find his story..crap I can't find that post. Long story short. We dated a year and a half before he left, he is my bestfriend, i stopped going to church for a long time, so we're going to have to talk about lots of things.

In my religion when boys serve missions they have many many rules. One is no hugging opposite sex(non family). Yes I know this will be so foreign for most of you, but I've known this even before he left. So last night when he came out of the terminal everyone was all hugs, when he approached me I received a hand shake. Because his flight was delayed he couldn't be released. i didn't sleep really. but i just got off the phone with him and I'll be going over around 7..thats 7 hours. UGH I really missed him.

I had a doctors appointment this morning. I've been wanting to get on adderol forever..and it finally happened!!! It really does help me focus and I've been taking it the past two weeks from a friend. I love it. I may have gone overboard a couple times, resulting with absolutely no sleep. Now that I know I can be more responsible. My favorite part is the appetite suppresant. I haven't eaten since that burrito on tuesdsay. I had a coffee yesterday morning, and am about to go get a coffee with J. I know I should eat. I don't want to lose too fast. Especially since I've lost 4 pounds in 3-4 days. I weighed myself this morning. 117.2

Don't get me wrong I'm totally estatic! But since i've gotten back down to this smaller size again people have been throwing comment around again. I just have to be careful. When will I eat? Thats yet to be determined.

Its almost the weekend!! Stay strong!! I'm going try and post on if my computer will let me.

thinspo and stuff

to my best friend, P: I feel really lost right now. I wish you were here. i'm scared for you to be back in December. I'm not the same girl you used to know. All I can think about is how I wish I could go back to her. But I'm lost. Alone. I don't even know if you'll be my friend when you get back. I hope. I pray. Becuase I need someone to hold me, to talk to me; tell me it will somehow all work out or make sense in the end..



Enjoy some thinspo everyone!


muscles holy shit!

i love skinny bodies!

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