2 months and 8 pounds

 How to stick with health routines? 

When you’ve had a persistent but in the lungs?

I took 2 weeks off is how. 

I picked up some type of virus at the end of September and I’m still recovering. 

Last week life got disrupted by Hurricane Milton. Luckily we experienced little impact. 

My exercise and walking goals went out the window. But that’s not all I’ve been trying to put into my routine. 

I’ve been trying to write 3 things I’m grateful for each day. Listen to a self help or inspirational book for 10 minutes each day. 

This week I got back on my train. I’m sore, even from just body weight workout. 

It’s hard to be patient with the physical changes though. I decided I will start to take progress pics as weight on a scale never shows you the whole transition when body composition changes. 

Week 4 of weight lifting

 How to stay motivated in new fitness routine 

I have finished reading “The Slight Edge” and just started “Atomic Habits.” These books and what they cover are helping me stay motivated. 

Even with all the travel I have on the books for this month, I’ve made sure to use weights at least twice a week. And, when weights were not fully available

I completed body weight exercises. 

I’ve been sticking with my daily movement goals of walking/steps. There was only 1 day in the past 2 weeks that i haven’t met it. (And that is ok because im not getting obsessive over it)

The first 30-45 days of introducing weights is hard because that is how long it takes for muscles to develop. The other hard part is your body composition is changing and the weight on the scale fluctuates. 

Weight loss: I’m down 3.5 pounds. I would have hoped for a little more but thats where building muscle can make the weight on a scale confusing. 

This weekend i’ll take some progress pics and body measurements as that’s usually a better way to track and monitor progress. 

Week 3 of new routine

• Making habits into routine with my health 

One way I’ve overcome my eating disorder mindset is looking at overall health and wellness as a lifestyle/way of living. 

I remember the first time I started starving myself and how quickly i lost weight. 

And then the cycle of binge/purge, starve— on repeat. 

I haven’t relapsed with ED since 2014. 2017 was when i first considered myself recovered. 

2022 was the first time I learned about macro counting. I was worried it would trigger ED but it didn't at all. It gamified my nutrient tracking. It gave me healthy goals and empowered decision making on what I wanted to eat day-to-day. 

I still love macro counting. 

Right now I’m trying to be mindful of my tendency to get obsessive with a behavior or habit. The new one? Walking 10,000 steps a day. 

For me this is usually getting 20-40 minutes of walking in. I get the rest of my steps with daily movement. 

How to keep things healthy?

I want to making walking part of my lifestyle, not an obsessive behavior. 

For this, I want to incorporate walking into my daily life more. It could look like:

20-40 minutes of using my mini treadmill while working— making sure to stretch though and recover 

Taking the dogs on a walk 

Walking with the family around the block after meals 

Walking on the beach 

Walking to and from the club gym 

Walking around the shopping center before a Pilates class

Does it have to be 10,000 steps?

So far, 10,000 steps has been very achievable. I don’t feel like I’m having to spend a ton of extra time doing it. I definitely do better with multi tasking— like reading a book or working while walking. 

It doesn’t HAVE to be 10,000 steps. But, I’m going to aim for this goal for the rest of September and see how I’m feeling. 

Other goals for my routine 

Aside from walking, I’ve got other habits I’m working on this month. 

1. Weightlifting 3x a week 

2. Pilates 3-4x a week 

3. Write 3 things I’m grateful for each day 

4. Listen to inspiring book for 10 minutes a day 

5. Keeping my cutting goals to 1,600 cals a day

6. Daily recovery and mobility. 

That’s a good amount of habits to keep up with for now. 

Waiting out the rain to play Volleyball

1. Playing Beach Volleyball in Florida

1 year ago I relocated from Utah to Florida. Before the move I was playing sand volleyball twice a week. It was a huge part of my activity, mental and social health. 

You’d think moving to a place with beaches everywhere I’d easily be able to find a replacement. 

The truth is, yes I found a group pretty quickly but NO it is not so easy to play. 

Why? 

The weather. 

I got myself out of bed at 6:30 AM so I could go play. I’m sitting in my car— along with some fellow enthusiasts— trying to wait out the rain. 

I cancelled two Pilate class spots so I could play volleyball instead 😆

Lesson learned. 

Health and fitness goals

I have had my weight go up a LOT this past year. Even with drastically changing my nutrition, stress and activity (or so I thought. I attended reformer Pilates 4-5 days a week for 6 months or more.)

I got my hormones checked and because I use an IUD results are inconclusive. 

The two thing I can conclude that are different in my life vs 3 years ago when I lost 15 ish pounds:

1. I’m 3 years older. I’m closer to 40 than I am 30. 

2. My body is still recovering from the stress of relocating . Cortisol can do a number on us 

3. I’m not moving my body enough. My Apple Watch data confirms this. 

Setting New Goals

1. I’m trying to get 10,000 steps a day. I bought a cheap mini treadmill that is making this goal very easy to hit 

2. I’m going to weight lift/do more intense exercise than Pilates 3x a week minimum. Week 1 went well. 

3. I’m going to stay committed to nutrition cutting goals. I count macros and stay around 1,600 calories a day. 

4. I’ll make sure to do recovery movement and mobility so I don’t injure myself. 

Results 2 weeks in

I’m down almost 3 pounds. A good, healthy pace. 

7 years later - hello blog world

 I searched this blog tonight and realized I didn’t even remember how to post on it. 

This blog holds so much history and storytelling for almost a decade of my life. 

I know we’ve all moved on past blogs. Onto snap chat, instagram, tik tok. 

I’m still here. I might write some new posts as to where my life is now. We’ll see. 

For now I’m finding some peace knowing I haven’t lost ability to continue sharing a story. 

What "To The Bone" Got Right and We're All Looking Past

Old drafted post i just found (august 30 2024)

Ok, I've watched as many ED related movies, documentary, shows, etc that exist in the intergalactic world of the internet. Whether it's a high school volleyball player who is taught by her best friend, a ballet dancer with a mother for a therapist ("who should have seen it coming?!", paraphrasing quote from the movie), documentary in treatment centers in different parts of the world or terrible episodes of Dr. Phil or Intervention.

I don't recommend anybody watch this garbage because it's only fueling sterotypes and not really spreading education (insert eyeroll). In fact, you'd be better watching My 600 Pound Life because at least in that show Dr. Nowazardan sends his patitents to therapy because he knows nothing changes without therapy.

To The Bone Doesn't Teach Someone How To Have An Eating Disorder

Since I have an eating disorder and am currently in recovery (7 years baby, haven't relapsed in the past 3 years), I am more connected with people who are affected by this movie. I've been through a little inpatient/outpatient care and am part of groups and have friends who have had a hard time with this movie. 

Top comments I see: "this is so triggering", "this is not realistic", "that's not how impatient is", and so on. I understand everyone is at different levels of what they can handle. I don't recommend someone with an eating disorder or recovering from one to watch it if they are sensitive to this type of material. 

But at least this movie doesn't SHOW someone how to develop an eating disorder!!! Yes, I said it. That's how I feel. If you watch most movies or TV shows previously mentioned, they focus a lot on the behaviors. Dr Phil shows the cycle of very sick people binge eating, or weighin themsleves. Intervention follows the person around and documents their behaviors. Movies about someone who suffers an ED shows time and time again how they start, develop and begin recovery. 

THAT is triggering to me. Not watching a crappy movie (ultimately i felt like this movie was poorly written), of a girl who was already in an eating disorder. 

What it showed:

• Emaciated Body of Ellen/Eli 3 times (the most extreme is at the end)
• Getting on the scale 2 times
• Doing Sit ups 3 times
• Drinking a big diet soda (the sweet nectar of life)
• Checking the size of her arm (probably the most repeated behavior)
• Refusing food
• Chewing and spitting–probably the most "let me show you how to have an Eating Disorder)

Severely triggered right now

I just spent some time reading the first year of this blog. WHO THE HELL WAS THAT PERSON?

Eating disorders are so depressing and what the friggin hell.

Despite this realization I'm fighting so hard to keep a healthy mindset. I want to be fit. I ant to be fit immediately but I know that's not how it works.

In other news, I've been feeling extremely lonely and like I have nobody to talk to.

About a week ago my ex boyfriend's wife started following me on Instagram. A little freaked out by this, but fully filled with curiosity I followed her back. I was happy to see that they recently became parents. And as I slightly stalked her account I was like.. huh this girl reminds me of myself. This girl seems like someone is probably get along with.

Well on Friday I commented on one of her posts before realizing it was her post. Was that allowed? I mean how did she find me in the first place? Why did she find me in the first place?

Well almost immediately she Pm'd me and I thought she was going to be like...wha the hell do you think you're doing commenting on my photos??? 😡😡😡😡.

It was quite the opposite. She said, I know it may be weird but He said we might have a lot in common...  and asked if I lived around the area. She mentioned the weirdness again.

Well, here is the thing. I didn't feel weird about it at all. In fact I was relieved that she messaged me.  The last time I saw my ex was 5 years ago. And before that it was over two years. We dated in 2009 for less than a year. I think he is a kind person and have never felt any real anger or hate or anything toward him. He dated me when I was extremely sick and in deep with my ED.

So how did his wife or why did his wife find me on IG? They moved out here about a year ago and she hasn't been able to make friends and the Ex said we might have some stuff in common. I guess I can ask her if he just told her to find me on Tuesday because we are going to meet up.

what a strange weekend but  I'm oddly excited. He was right that we have quite a bit we can relate to, kids, eating issues, child loss.

Does this sound like a movie? It does to me.